Struggling with BPD Symptoms and Self-Harm

Hey my love. Caveat: I am in a place in my life now where I no longer SH and have learned how to communicate my needs and self sooth my body. I high key relate to your experience and use to be a similar way. I wonder if my comment can provide some insight about the situation, for you to see it in a different light. I am sorry if anything I say is offensive: All humans including your bf and friends have the right to not wanting to feel unsafe around you. Outbursts make people feel unsafe. Your bf praised and thanked you for making the situation safer for him, and that is gratitude. You did great. You learned a social skill and we should celebrate this! Unfortunately you are continuing to SH to make your relationship a safer place. The harsh reality is that your maladaptive tendencies are yours to deal with, and not other’s responsibility. I’m wondering if you can now learn another way to self sooth and calm down when upset? Have you thought of using rubber bands? Holding ice? Or chewing peppercorns? What ever that grounds you. You cut bc it grounds you and releases excessive energy that’s built up in your body. Some people go to the gym or take a jog for this. Are you open to learning other means of coping? Just the way your friends and bf deserve to feel safe around you, you deserve the same sense of safety from them and the world. Again, you did great in providing that to him and he praised you. Keep it up. But now the next goal is to learn how to not harm yourself. You deserve love regardless baby. You do. But they also deserve to decide what is too much or too little for them.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I’m sorry you had to start self harming again and I’m glad you could come here to talk about it some. :) I think you should sit down with him and talk about how your self harming is the only thing that has been helping with your violent tendencies and perhaps reach out to a professional to see if maybe they can prescribe or help you get into treatment for the symptoms you are dealing with. I am similar where self harm used to be something I’d regularly do in order to calm down. I got placed on an addiction based prescription to help lessen my self destructive behaviors and so far they really do help. :) please try to get through the situation the best you can. much love. 💕