Struggling to Get Diagnosed with Autism and Dealing with Unsupportive Family

I’m trying to get diagnosed as autistic (Asperger’s) but my family is being stupid & unsupportive & I wish they would just act like they cared. I’m super stressed because my grandma wants to go into a home because she doesn’t have enough money to stay in her apartment much longer, but I’ve only recently realized that maybe my 6 year long struggles with not being able to hold down a job might have something to do with me maybe being autistic. So I’m trying to get diagnosed because ignoring it hasn’t been working & I need to try a different tactic, & my dad, who’s always been the safe parent compared to my mom (emotionally & verbally abusive) has told me that getting a diagnosis is the equivalent of saying that I don’t want to improve myself as a person. Which isn’t true. If anything, I’m doing it because I want to improve. Because I need to get help & access to the tools & resources that will let me learn what I’m dealing with. I’ve wanted to die so many times this week, just because I haven’t been able to get away from my family who’s so negative & distant & unsupportive. & my dad, who I always thought was on my side, doesn’t care. He’s honestly broken my heart. My cousin has pointed out that sometimes when I talk I sound scary, like a psychopath. I think it’s because I spent so long imagining being able to get away from my mom when I was little, telling myself that one day I’d disappear from her life & never talk to her again, & then she’d regret everything. & now, when people hurt me, I tend to focus on vengeance…& almost immediately after my dad broke my heart, I decided that I wouldn’t talk to him for a long time. I decided that, while I get through this, move on, do great things, & blossom into the kind of woman I’ve always wanted to be, he won’t be there to see any of it. Because he doesn’t deserve to. Is that scary? I don’t know. But I’m usually so sweet, so nice, so kind…I like knowing that it ends somewhere. That people aren’t able to push me around anymore, that eventually I will bite back. He’s always been my favorite. I’ve always been a daddy’s girl, I guess. It makes it so much more bitter. I’m sure he never saw this coming.