Struggling with Breakups and Goodbyes

I feel this same way. It hurts even more when I let someone know about abandonment issues and then they leave.

this is exactly how i feel

It gets better with effort and trying different recovery methods. I was in very black moods after breakups, often ending with me wanting to unalive myself. I sought therapy and kept trying to find the roots of my problems. I healed a lot of the trauma. I still get triggered. But I know that no one else is worth dying over. Just keep following your gut and your heart about how to heal. Please seek out friends and loved ones who can listen to you without judgement and hold space for some of your pain and healing.