Struggling with Grief and Guilt After Losing My Son

I am Soo very sorry for your loss. And your pain... How can people tell you when to stop hurting and how to feel over such pain and loss? No one can know how you feel. I'm so very sorry. Also I am upset about how the therapist treated you. I think therapy could really benefit you. Do not give up on it. You need to find a proper therapist. Sometimes we find ones that are awful. We just need to move on from them. Stand up for ourselves and walk from them and say I need a good one. Find the one for you. This is something you need to talk about and work through. Over and over. My heart to you!!

I am so sorry for your loss, I lost my baby boy at 7 months old 10/02/2023 I was at work when his father went to pick him up from his father's mother's and found him unresponsive with blood coming from his nose and mouth. We still aren't sure what happened and I don't know if I'll ever be able to bring myself to find out. And I have yet to even begin to deal with it, I have so much guilt for not being there to protect him, and I can only imagine what it would be like to be going through this while still having living children that rely on me. Although in my mind I would think it would help me because atleast they would give me a reason to keep pushing forward, right now my only reason for pushing forward is that I still want to make my baby in heaven proud. That probably doesn't help I don't think very straight as of lately. But it is another way to look at it in my opinion.

Yes absolutely thank you for sharing your story, and again I am more than sorry for your loss. I wish so much there was something I could do or say to make it better. One thing I really appreciated well formerly working for a chiropractor, one of my patients who was a therapist said that therapy is not one size fits all. She explained to me that there are many forms of therapy and that not all fit all. If you were able to find somebody who's specialty is in trauma and loss then you would probably be better off. I have a cousin whose little boy was that his grandparents when he slept under the pool cover and was pronounced dead for several minutes, so he was brain dead for enough time to do serious damage. Now she often talks about how thankful she is that he is still alive. However many family members have spoke on how much she struggles day to day to take care of him. That was years ago, he is 14 now and I believe he drowned when he was three. I am not a Christian and I don't believe in heaven or hell. I strongly believe in reincarnation however I believe our souls spend a period of time on Earth if they are not meant to go into the next life be it the human life or the next spiritual life. I really don't believe that your son was meant to be stuck in a body that was not his own, he accomplished what he was meant to in his short time. Even if all of that or even just a part of that was for you to become hyper aware of your other children but it definitely seems like he brought so much joy and love during his time here. I greatly encourage you to seek further therapy and I hope this app is a great tool in the meantime to show you how Loved You are. I have kind of a weird view on suicide, especially after my brother, I don't believe that whatever higher Powers there are want you to stay here and suffer. However I definitely don't believe that you or your son want to leave your other children motherless because they really do need you and they need you well. Please take some time to gather some sacred herbs such as sage, polisanto, wheatgrass, or whatever resonates with you along with a letter specifically to your son, some of his belongings that you are willing to part with, and anything else that you believe should be a part of the ceremony and find yourself a beautiful and quiet place in nature to speak to him, burn the herbs and connect with the divine, and bury these objects in a place that you can visit or at least a place that you feel his soul can be at rest. I think more than anything, therapy counseling medication, you need to find peace and trust that for whatever reason, this was meant to be. I honestly feel so guilty sitting on this side of things and expressing to you what I'm sure plenty of people have before. But mama, that little boy loves you and it's so very obvious that you love him too. You need time to be still and be with him... I have a feeling that you haven't allowed yourself that just yet.

Wow thank you for sharing your experience of what you've been through...that is terrible and I have 3 children and cannot imagine losing a child, especially like that. Remember it's always ok to not be okay...I bet you are doing a great job at trying to be brave for your other children and it hurts my heart just thinking of any mother that has had to bear the pain of losing a child. That is my worst and only fear in this world..that I would lose one of them or that something will happen to me and they would lose me. I have extreme anxiety from being in multiple abusive relationships and just general past trauma..so I overthink everything and worry about things that might never happen. I pray that God gives you peace and that you have a happy and healthy pregnancy💕 All my love & prayers to you and your family❤