Dede27

172d

I’ve been clean for 6 years and I have always had fleeting thoughts of going back to it but recently like with in the week they’ve gotten worse and I’m afraid to tell anyone I know. I feel like my therapist might stop trusting me and my mom too. Just wondering if this had happened to any one else (where you haven’t used this coping skill in years and now it’s coming up again).

Aripiprazole

Depression

Bupropion

Self-inflicted injury

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  • Starlightie

    172d

    It's a reccuring struggle for sure. It's quite literally an addiction, like any other. You're good for awhile, then the temptation comes back and you have to fight it. Sometimes it feels like the fight is harder the longer you're clean, but I feel it's easier to convince yourself not to follow through. Like "I haven't done it in so long, why should I ruin that now?" Ya know? Then, sometimes the urge is just too much to handle and you get dangerously close to relapsing, literal inches away. In those moments, it's best to tell someone. It's scary, absolutely, but it helps. Those who truly care about your well-being will not lose trust for you. If anything, it should strengthen their trust in you because you were willing to get help instead of giving in to the temptation of relapse. Those who are worthy of being your support system will be there for you unconditionally and without judgement.

    • Dede27

      172d

      thank you. I really have come a long way but sometimes I really want to go back. And I’m not really sure why. I’ve been doing some thinking and it’s probably about control.

      • Starlightie

        172d

        I recommend using stim tools or get into a hobby that relies on repetitive motions. Crocheting has become a new obsession of mine and it's so rewarding when you get to the end product and you know that it was all you and your efforts that created it.

  • Snapcracklepop

    165d

    Although it’s not a good thing I’m glad I’m not the only one getting the thoughts again years later and feeling like my therapist and mom won’t trust me anymore if I tell them

    • Dede27

      165d

      I’m sorry you are having those thoughts too. I thought when I was younger that well 1. I didn’t think I’d live this long and 2. That I would be a perfectly normal person by now with no urges to hurt me. But I have since told my therapist that I was having these thoughts. And she said she isn’t surprised (because of everything going on in my life) and that there’s no shame in having these thoughts and honestly no shame in the action either. More of just “what do we do now?”

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