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witchywitch

575d

I feel extremely triggered when my bf or anyone else gives me unwarranted help/advice. It makes me feel incompetent, less than, etc. What can I do about this?

Top reply
    • chihiro.sen

      575d

      oof i feel this. For me this mainly happened when just wanted to vent about stuff, not actually change or fix anything. So i told him about it, acknowledged it was irrational and not is fault, and now I'll add something like "hey i just want you to listen rn" so we avoid it all together. As for random small comments i just try to remind myself that he isnt actually looking down on me, hes just saying all of the advice and tips he wants to share, but keeps to himself around others he's less close too.

    • _Robbie_

      574d

      You should talk to them about how it makes you feel. If they don't listen to you, that's their problem. If they still try to do this after you've told them not to, just let them finish their rant, play along and pretend it didn't happen. Ik that sucks, but it'll be alright. Also, don't dismiss the advice altogether, maybe revisit it when you feel better, but if their "advice" is actually just negative feedback, you probably don't need that in your life unless you've actually done something wrong.

    • ninners

      574d

      Oh I totally feel this. I’ve had to start saying “I’m not looking for advice, I just need you to listen to me” or “what I need right now is just to feel heard and validated”. It’s super intimidating the first few times you say it, but it gets easier. Something else that helps is reminding myself that they’re coming from a place of love (usually) and “fixing things” is actually a lot of people’s love languages. It’s totally frustrating in the moment, but setting that boundary in the beginning, and taking a step back to remind myself that they are trying to help, makes me feel better. The biggest thing is just communication. Tell them why it’s frustrating to you and what you actually need when you are venting. You’re not alone 💕

    • SarahSmile

      574d

      I can so relate. Like I'm "less than" and it does make you feel really low. I often feel like individuals that haven't experienced the same issues just do not get it. Almost like they feel it's an excuse for people [like us] to behave out of the norm. Does that make sense?

    • iconically_ill

      574d

      Have you told the people in your life who do that how it makes you feel?

    • chihiro.sen

      575d

      oof i feel this. For me this mainly happened when just wanted to vent about stuff, not actually change or fix anything. So i told him about it, acknowledged it was irrational and not is fault, and now I'll add something like "hey i just want you to listen rn" so we avoid it all together. As for random small comments i just try to remind myself that he isnt actually looking down on me, hes just saying all of the advice and tips he wants to share, but keeps to himself around others he's less close too.

      • GenderlessGoose

        574d

        @chihiro.sen I've tried to start implementing the preface of "I just want you to hear me out, I'm not looking for solutions right now" when I just want to vent, especially when I know the steps I should be taking,but am just frustrated by the situation I'm in qnd admittedly just want to complain about it to someone. I've definitely snapped on people on accident in the past for trying to help, when I didn't want help, and I've found that giving the preface of what I'm looking for in the conversation has helped me personally.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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