Dealing with Sexual Trauma and PTSD

I can relate a lot. I'm diagnosed with PTSD, and I have the same thing with breaking down or freezing up during sex. Even when it's something I want to do, with someone I want to be doing it with. But it's definitely getting better over time. Especially since learning to set boundaries and practicing communicating them and finding someone who respects my boundaries no matter what. I under the fear of doctors too. I'm thinking about switching mine. I think keeping in mind that I'm not stuck with one specific doctor and can change to a different one (providing insurance/you can cover it) for any reason or no reason at all has helped that fear some for me. You can also advocate for yourself to have a female doctor and therapist, it's your right if that makes you more comfortable/feel safer.

I've gone through a similar experience, and for a long time, I used to cry during and after sex even when I was with a guy I loved. I had a really high sex drive too and after him, I slept around a lot. Partially to get over him and also to get it out of my system. Like to process and overcome my feels, but I felt empty. I had no attachment with the people I was with. I don't regret it, but it definitely feels like it was just a dream. I don't cry anymore and had some boyfriends after the one I mentioned, but depending on how the person I'm with makes me feel in that moment determined how empty I feel. When they make it feel like they just have a strong urge and need to get it out of their system, that's when that empty feeling happens. Comfort and true connection helped a lot with that feeling, but now I am currently Asexual. I'm not sure if I was always like that or if my experiences have put me in the hole. I'd prefer to experience intimacy outside of sex. I believe being around people you feel safe with will help you overcome your past experiences and fears.

I'm really sorry to hear that shitty stuff has happened to you and I've had many similar things happen to me as well besides getting pregnant. I don't completely understand things around pregnancy but i do think you have ptsd. Its not gonna go away right away, you need to practice on yourself and who you let into your life cuz it has a big affect on what goes on and how you feel. Again I'm sorry but I'm here for you💜