Struggling with Holiday Intrusive Thoughts

this past year, I have had such a hard time with intrusive thoughts around holidays. I don’t feel excited about christmas this year, I just want to hide in my room. I came downstairs to help clean up the house, and my mom said she didn’t want to be around my bad attitude, so I just came back upstairs. She is usually really understanding about my mental health, but right now I just feel so alone and anxious and overwhelmed with intrusive thoughts. I wish I could just fast forward time through the holidays, but at the same time I wish I could enjoy christmas the way I used to and i’m upset with myself that I can’t. just needed to rant on here I guess, and maybe hear from someone that feels similar to me this holiday season :///