Need advice on dealing with the aftermath of sexual abuse

i was in the same situation not too long ago. i went from zero experience to sex every day very quickly and it was a big mental adjustment even though i was having fun. i found that not putting any pressure or significant weight around sex and sexual performance helped a ton. my girlfriend and i treat sex like any other act of affection. the offer is quick and casual. we like to view sex as a good bonding experience no matter what, so even on the off chance someone doesn’t get satisfied, we still got to have that contact. plus, if it’s not fun for one of us, we just stop. whenever i get anxiety spikes or flashbacks during sex, i like to have my girlfriend slow down and change to gentle, less overt touches. focusing on the feeling of her hands helps ground me.

I'm also taking testosterone and have been through similar sexual trauma. And I understand the feelings of being ashamed or gross. I try to remind myself that all my feelings are natural in my situation, and that as a victim of SA I'm bound to have complicated thoughts and feelings surrounding sex. Also that my thoughts about myself are more negative I would think about someone else in the same situation.

Thank you, all of you. Your words are very helpful. Just to clarify, my girlfriend listens and understands me very well. It just gets frustrating sometimes when my trauma complicates things.

You aren't alone! I wasn't sexual abused but I was abused verbally by many women who cheated on me and left me my last ex lied to me and left me brokenhearted I still am afraid to touch someone or have someone touch me I freak out if I have someone touch me! You're not alone

I’ve been in a similar situation, and I’ve just started going to therapy for it. It took me several years to process that what I’d gone through was actually non-consensual. I’m not on T, although i might get on it someday, so I can’t offer much advice with that. It’s taken me a VERY long time to allow myself to become vulnerable with myself in order to accept the fact that I am a human being who sometimes has sexual urges and acts upon them. I have been trying to be more “in my body” even though it’s difficult when your physical self doesn’t match up with the version of you in your head. If you can find a good therapist, I really think it would benefit you a lot. It’s taken me a really long time to find a therapist that 1) I clicked with, and 2) knows his stuff. Best of luck to you, and sorry I can’t offer more advice. Just know you aren’t alone in your experiences. You got this, friend ❤️

i honestly went through a very very similar situation, but for some reason like 6 years later when i met the person i finally felt safe with it just clicked and felt okay bc he helped me through shiz and never made me feel guilty for stopping at a certain point or needing specific things to make me feel more safe. i suppose that’s where we differentiate bc you’re still having a rough time and im so sorry ab that. ive been in therapy since like elementary which helped me work through things as i grew up. i honestly think if you talk through every single thought you have on that subject w your partner it might help her understand and communicate better w you in all forms of your relationship.. but obviously my information isnt great.

That's what is in the works- a therapist to focus on what happened to me. My girlfriend is ok, it's just frustrating for her sometimes, which I absolutely understand. She doesn't get upset at me, just the situations my trauma puts us in.

You’re so lucky you found someone who wants to work through this with you! I’m jealous. I was assaulted very young by the person I was dating and still suffer from it, but I haven’t found my husband yet and am very lonely. Anyways I wish you the best - therapy is very helpful! Maybe try a couples therapist who specializes in sex? Or therapist for just you specializing in sexual assault