You Deserve to Be Happy and Loved

you know, i leave a lot of comments about this (and i sure as hell won't stop leaving more), but i figured it might be worth making a whole post. that way, hopefully you (and more people) get to read it today. you deserve to be happier, and you deserve to be loved. regardless of your broken relationships, regardless of regrets about your past, and regardless of unrelenting convictions that you are a terrible and sad person, you are still a living and worthwhile human being. and, i'm glad you're here, reading this, curious to hear this internet stranger's belief that your existence is much better than your forever-absence. i am not some super doctor who can cure your conditions, stressors, and pains today. but i want to at least be a messenger to tell you: i love you, just for being alive, just for being a person here to seek help and offer kindness to other struggling strangers. thank you for fighting your way to this point through all of your invisible, long, and perhaps ongoing battles. i'm sorry it's been so painful. i'm hurting, too, to the point of constantly teetering on the edge of ending my own life. i don't know how much time i have left on my clock simply by the fact that my emotional health deteriorates on more days than not. the truth is that i want to die, every day. the hurt is real. your hurt is real. no one can tell you otherwise. and—super important—it's okay to hurt. it's okay to cry, to let that angry or frustrated energy out (in healthy ways), to reach out to people out of the blue because of how depressed you feel. you deserve the help you need, every one of you. i read often here that people mislead you or present obstacles to you from getting that help. i'm sorry you've had to fight that. our world and its societies are unfortunately not structured to best help people like us struggling with mental health. but keep fighting, because i'm cheering for you so loud in my heart that i wish you could hear me. pom poms, firecrackers, the whole shabang. i'm rooting for you, because nothing is more inspiring than seeing someone feel and experience that so much in life is turned against them but they keep on breathing that next breath and getting through another day anyway. you're an inspiration, just for pushing through. genuinely. i don't know what you need right now, but since you're on this app i assume there's some hollowness or longing you need filling. perhaps it's a lost friendship. or just your run-of-the-mill grey, numb day. or a recent trauma. whatever you need—a hug, an encouragement, someone to silently listen to your rant, a prayer, a "fighting!!"—please ask. i'm limited to this app, but please take what you need. i'd love to give. and, whatever i cannot give, i hope you get the love, rest, and resources you need from the people around you. you are awesome, even if the voice inside you disagrees. keep going, i'm right there with you, feeling that visceral, carnal, agonizing pain every step of the way. you're never alone in that walk. the path is rocky and twisted, but i promise that you are stronger and a huge inspiration for still being on it. let's keep hiking it together. i believe in you. and, lastly, i sincerely hope that you get to smile today. the world is better with your smile. cheers ♡