azalee

76d

it’s so exhausting never being able to say no to people or put myself first without feeling selfish or guilty. i feel like it’s rarely talked about how draining and frustrating being a people pleaser is. even when i’m being told to do what i want to do, i still feel like the most selfish person in the world when i do so. even with the most minuscule of situations

Anxiety (Including GAD)

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  • Spuds

    76d

    I hear ya there. I cannot say no to people when they ask for help. I have now committed myself to working about 80 hours a week for the next 2-3 weeks because people keep asking me to cover for them and I cant say no. My boss even asked me today to go in tomorrow early to help out and instead of saying what I wanted to say (which was no Im sicker than sick and need the morning to rest) I said “Of course I can!” When you cant say no you get no time to reset yourself. Its hard.

    • azalee

      76d

      oh my god i felt this. i’m so sorry you were and are put in that position and i want you to know i completely understand, and if you ever need to vent or talk about it i’m 100% here!!!! but yea it literally. sucks. puts you in such a position where you’re almost living for other people rather than for yourself, and it’s a lot easier said than done when it comes to just. breaking this habit yknow? it’s so hard, even when you know you need to put yourself first it feels impossible when you’ve been shaped into living for others and their feelings / needs / wants

      • Spuds

        76d

        it is extremely hard!! And what makes it even harder is I work in a nursing home. Ive made connections with the residents. It makes it even harder to say no because I dont want any of the residents to get lesser care because they are short staffed. I appreciate you being open for a vent. Im here if you need to vent too.

  • Another_Joe

    76d

    It helps to surround yourself with people who respect you, your feelings, and your time. Realize that people are taking advantage of you and possibly exploiting you. Being exploited feels horrible. These people do not care about your success and wellbeing. There is nothing wrong with putting yourself first and anyone who gets angry with you are self centered and care less of you. Keep people around you who add to your life not take away from it. Those are the people who you want to help. 2+2=5 kind of relationships. Easy to say super hard to do. But when you find these people never let go.

  • alyssa25

    76d

    Very true. It's very draining

  • SweetTea77

    76d

    You are being selfish! And you are supposed to be. I'm a people pleaser as well, a fixer. I am the go to to take care of everything. But when you need to reset, disconnect and clear your mind .,. All friends and most family fall to the waste side. It IS A SELFISH PROCESS!!!! Some people won't understand that. So what I would have done different is I'd have sat everyone down and explained that I'm going to be distant for and unforeseen period of time. Tell them you'll check in from time to time, but that the best support they can give you is the respect to not as questions or pry and to please understand that you will not be able to help anyone else with their issues until you have a handle on your own. You may get immediate questions you may get pushback and arguing. But you will also get respect, hugs and much support from those who truly understand.

  • katiebug6

    76d

    Please follow the holistic psychologist Dr Nicole Lepera on Instagram. She has millions of followers and talks about this (boundaries) and other important things frequently, things that dont get talked about a lot.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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