Relationship doubts and trauma

Damn I get this completely. Being someone who has trouble with relationships myself I cannot give very sound advice but I really relate to how you describe black-and-white thinking when it comes to relationships. Honestly, I'd pay close attention to him not liking adventures & not matching your ambition level because I feel like those are pretty big things that may affect the quality of the relationship. If you want to go on fun activities and he can't meet you there, that may cause distress on your end. You also gotta wonder about wherever your ambition will lead you and if you're going to have time to manage a relationship on top of everything else. Sounds like his sensitivity is also causing some resentment to pile up, so if he's not going to work on some of his reactions then that may cause more trouble. As another note, I understand fearing that you're sabotaging yourself. I've probably sabotaged my relationships more than I can count, but I also want to say that just because someone is very very nice doesn't mean there can't be some problems brewing underneath. You can try talking to him about how your mental health and trauma is impacting your view on relationships, but I am a humble internet stranger and don't know how he'd react to that. I don't think any of your worries are irrational, it sounds like you may not be well-matched in some areas that you've mentioned. In any case, good luck

oh and as a note, i can see myself being problematic constantly. like making issues where there likely are none and acting a certain way just to get attention and being snappy. so there’s that too. i’m not all high and mighty, and it’s clear i’m also having issues of my own that might be leading to these doubts, but i can’t quite parse out what’s valid and what’s irrational, ya know?