queenofdaydreams

150d

Does anyone with BPD have any suggestions on how to handle anger? I have issues with being verbally combative towards people who’ve hurt me (or who I felt wronged by, regardless if they meant it). It can get bad, like to the point of DM’ing people and telling them to f*ck off (which only happened once or twice but still). It’s embarrassing and I’m ashamed of myself, but I wanna know if there’s any specific coping skills that have helped with this. Thanks!

Restlessness and Agitation

Chronic Generalized pain

Propranolol

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

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  • AriJuda

    150d

    I'm just trying to stop looking at comments/replies on social media that I know will trigger me. for me that's mainly Tumblr, TikTok, and Pinterest. otherwise, distracting activities to do until the rage dies down.

  • AriJuda

    150d

    also the 4 parts of dbt (mindfulness, emotional regulation, interpersonal effectiveness, and distress tolerance) could all apply here

  • moonchild32

    150d

    Its not as nice or quote as healthy as mindfulness but when I get angry, I feel like I need to break something. What me and my therapist worked out was like...dollar tree glass plates or wood or throwing around a bag of ice or a bag of oranges. Stuff like that that isn't super harmful as long as you clean up

  • dodge

    150d

    to be quite honest , i never stood up for myself and stayed in the day and only recently i’ve started to stand up for my feelings and walk away from people who hurt me and even tell them how i feel, but my way of not exploding every time is my sensory stuffies, or finding somebody who will actually listen to you rant all your feelings out about someone so you can go back later and be more calm while getting your feelings out

  • Zoinks

    150d

    The only thing that's ever helped me with BPD anger is my anxiety medication, Propranolol. Without it, I can be just as easily offended/verbally combative. It takes the edge off, and I'm able to think before I speak in most situations.

  • Dolly_Bunn

    150d

    Artist with BPD here, I use my anger to draw vent pieces, however if you find yourself as not artistic, you can get a cheap set of pens and a cheap little sketchbook and just scribble as hard as you want for as long as you want! It gets the anger out through the hands which seems like you might struggle with. For verbal problems, I walk away as fast as possible and just talk to myself, verbalize my feelings and talk my anger into the air so it won't hurt someone else!

  • wildflower440

    150d

    I struggle with this as well. Won’t go away until I end up screaming at someone or breaking something. The other day I was trying to break open a huge rock I found with a hammer. Turned out being super therapeutic and I tired myself out. The anger melted away. Now I’m working on creating a “destruction zone” in my basement so that I can take out my anger on designated things. In the meantime, like if I’m out of the house, I use DBT skills to “shelf it” or distract until I’m home. After I’ve gotten the raging hot feeling of anger out of my body it’s easier and very helpful to talk through what upset me with someone I trust. Sending love your way. BPD anger is such a hard thing; it really takes a toll on the body and mind. Take care!

    • wildflower440

      150d

      Or, sometimes I will hop on google drive and write an angry letter to whoever/whatever upset me lol.

  • Laellaxe

    150d

    Therapy helps. A ton. Learning how to have better self-talk needs to be a custom experience. (Also meds might help, depending on the issue.) For me, I treat snapping in anger like a dangerous addiction. My self-talk goes like... It's not fair that I'm hurting. It's not my fault that I have been abused/neglected. I should not feel shame for other people hurting me. It is, however, my responsibility not to inflict that pain on other people. I am committed to ending the cycle. It is okay for me to feel angry/etc., but it is not okay for me to take that out on other people. Why do I feel this way about this situation? Where is it stemming from? A time when somebody else hurt me, okay, I hate that feeling and don't want others to experience it. I'm unhappy with the status quo? I have the strength to change what I cannot accept, and I have the strength to accept what I cannot change. It takes a LOT of practice. It is important to have an outlet for anger, but that outlet can't be somebody else.

    • Laellaxe

      150d

      Also, it's okay to say "hold on, I need a moment," and calm down before continuing the conversation. If they laugh at you for making a healthy choice, that's not on you. That's something wrong with them that isn't your job to fix. What other people think of you is not your business.

  • royalty

    150d

    Still trying to figure that out but I think the most direct thing to do is to heal my inner child. Anger with BPD is usually a trauma response so I'm trying to heal the trauma that makes me get so angry and defensive.

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