Feeling Lost in My Own Skin

sometimes i feel like i can’t put my feelings into words. nothing i say holds the weight i need it too. i couldn’t describe my feelings if i tried.i guess it feels like i am not me. people only like me when i’m mirroring them. i do it so well sometimes i get lost in it. i lose myself and i don’t know who i am. i don’t think i ever did. i like taking little pieces of people, my most favorite things and molding myself into who i should be. it seems like they like it too. sometimes i’m scared that if i stop, if i could even figure out how too, they wouldn’t like what i’d become. i don’t think i’d like it either. when i have nothing, nothing to consume or mirror or to distract me, when it’s just me and the quiet and all i have are my thoughts i am lost. i am nothing. i have no sense of direction or time or meaning. i stare into nothing and it stares back and that’s just it. i’m motionless and nothing. i need to be someone. i need to be a person and i try by being everyone else and it feels right but i’m such a fraud. why cant i just be me? who even is that. it doesn’t make sense. i see people who are themselves and it just fits so well, they are them and that’s how they should be. i feel like there’s this long distance between people and me. like something is just so different. i know everyone is a little lost and is figuring stuff out but it feels like i’m so much more gone than them. like i have bits missing and they just don’t. not in the same way. i wanna go into someone’s brain. i wanna hear their thoughts and feel their feelings. i wanna know what they have that i don’t.