Sillymongoose

113d

I need to vent, but any suggestions or kind words would be helpful:

I feel “crazy”. I get annoyed at my boyfriend because of my relationship anxiety, and I have no idea how to tell him I need reassurance. I feel like I’m overreacting when he doesn’t address my emotions, and my ex said some pretty hurtful things to me about my feelings before. Like for the last two days, he’s been super busy with school, and I didn’t really hear from him. I convinced myself he was losing interest in me completely and was going to break up with me. I asked him on a date after helping him that stuff, and he said yes. There was miscommunication about how we were dressing and I got annoyed because he didn’t seem to acknowledge how I put in effort to look nice. I got over it into the night because he made me laugh, and I apologized for overreacting and being irrational. He said it was okay and that he didn’t want me to feel bad about it, which shocked me because I’m not used to words like that.
Now I’m crying because I feel like I can’t be myself as being non-binary and I’m ashamed of it for some reason. I feel like it’s a burden to have someone call me by “they/them” pronouns even though I know it’s basic respect. My boyfriends parents think I’m someone I’m really not, and if they knew I was Pagan, non-binary and bisexual or pansexual (I’m figuring it out), I don’t think they would like me. I know they accept the LGBTQ community, but I feel like if it was right in front of them and in their lives, they would be uncomfortable. I kind of got that vibe when I mentioned there was a drag show nearby me this weekend. I don’t know if my parents exactly accept me as non-binary because it’s such a new and strange concept to them. They took a long time to accept my sister as bisexual, thinking it was a “phase”.

I’m also so burnt out from school. I don’t even know where the day goes anymore, and I’m graduating at the end of this semester so I have to do a big project I haven’t started on.

My cat is also sick, maybe, and keeps throwing up and needs me to walk her to her food bowl and watch her eat. I’m going to take her to the vet, but it’s stressful. I forgot to take her to her vet appointment for her tooth removal, because I wasn’t sure when it was and got confused and just ended up not taking her.

My flashbacks for my PTSD (an incident involving snow and ice) keep coming back as it gets colder, and I’m scared.

I’m just feeling frustrated and tired and like I don’t even have a future. I have no idea what I want to do, because I honestly thought I’d be dead by this time because of my depression.

Acute Anxiety

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

acute lethargy

Depression

Attention-Deficit Disorder

View all
  • Heaven197987

    113d

    You got a lot going on take a deep breath I wouldn't stress on him too much he's busy too once school calms down he'll have more time is hard having busy lives.

  • Flamegal_Rae

    112d

    You are not crazy about the boyfriend thing. I go through the same and sometimes I get good about talking things out but I know I have to get better

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