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meandmydog

408d

vent post :/ recently I’ve been having the worst feeling of emptiness. my family all constantly ask if I’m okay, and I am kind of, but I just don’t feel excited about things in the way I feel like I should? I think a big part of it is how disconnected from myself I feel right now. I don’t like my clothes, I don’t like my internship (even though it’s what I’ve been wanting to do for years), I don’t remember how to talk to my friends, I don’t like my college anymore. my memory has been awful, and my sense of time is worse. I feel disoriented because of it all the time. but nothing’s physically changed from a year/year and half ago when I was happier. I just feel like maybe I’ve outgrow some things, but I don’t know how to make it better. I don’t know what I want, just that I don’t want this anymore. I feel like I want to crawl in a hole and never come out. everything overwhelms me right now. I hate waking up, I hate getting ready in the morning because I don’t feel like myself. it doesn’t matter what I wear or do. I just want to do nothing so I don’t have to think about how empty everything else feels. I have passions and things and people I love but I feel like I’m constantly disappointing them. and I don’t feel like anyone who I could tell right now would understand. I know they would just think I’m weird for feeling nothing when I have so many opportunities that other people would kill for. I just don’t know what to do anymore. honestly the only thing keeping me from hurting myself is the fear of being hospitalized and having to drop out of college. I don’t want to die, so I don’t think I’m suicidal. but I just wish everything would stop. I just don’t know how much longer I can live like this. I always thought this feeling was just what being in your 20s is. but this can’t be what everyone else feels, because I’m 21 and ready to give up. I have turned to awful coping mechanisms, I have lost so many friends, been mean to people I love. I don’t like myself, I don’t recognize myself, and I am running out of ways to remember who I was before. I just don’t know anymore.

Top reply
    • meandmydog

      405d

      @stormysundays thank you! and yes it is a boygenius reference lol!

    • stormysundays

      407d

      i feel very similarly! it's a very frustrating when everything feels pointless for no apparent reason. there's unfortunately not much advice i can give since depression is such a unique and individualized experience but i hope some sort of validation makes you feel a bit better. i really hope everything gets better for you soon, though. also, i like your username lol (i'm hoping it's a boygenius reference)

      • meandmydog

        405d

        @stormysundays thank you! and yes it is a boygenius reference lol!

    • Foxlover

      408d

      I’m sorry you feel like that, maybe you should seek professional help. Also I’m sure you’re not a disappointment to people.

      • meandmydog

        407d

        @Foxlover thank you. I had to stop therapy for a while due to the cost of it, but I am searching for one that takes my insurance. the lack of a safe space to vent is definitely not helping and I’m working on it!

    • Genie8675

      408d

      I have completely felt the way you describe. It sucks. And the feeling of no one will understand is quite common. We are "told" from the beginning how things "should" be and that we "should" be happy about it, but the should can get in the way of our happiness. Don't enjoy things because you've been told you should. Enjoy things because they bring you joy. It's ok not to feel good about things that make others feel good. Find your joy by taking away the restrictions of what you've been told it should be...❤️ sending love your way

      • meandmydog

        407d

        @Genie8675 thank you. <3 I think it’s also hard because it’s not necessarily that I don’t like the things I am doing, but it becomes hard to do them when I feel so upset all the time. like the empty feeling feels like it’s coming from inside and affects what I do, not what I do affecting my feelings. it’s like if my tongue started tasting everything as garbage. even the appealing things can’t change that, no matter how badly I want them.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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