Gift Giving: A Complicated Emotion

the holidays and my birthday always feel weird to me because of the whole gift giving thing. gift giving and gift receiving are no where near my love languages. with gift receiving, it's not even the fact that i feel indebted to someone who gives me something. it's just... i never ask for anything. i genuinely prefer to get myself things since my tastes can flip flop so fast. so it makes me feel guilty when someone gives me a gift and i can't give them the response they'd want: an excited thank you or a bright grin. i'm always appreciative of course; i just don't know how to wear that face well if that makes sense? and then giving a gift for someone else feels worse, mainly when they don't tell me outright what they want and just wishes for me to surprise them instead. i can understand wanting someone to know you so well that they get you the perfect gift without even asking, but i'm AWFUL at that. i'm not the best at surprises. i just prefer to have all info in front of me so i know what to get that'll make the receiver happy. but i've found that that makes a lot of people feel like i'm not even trying hard enough. i don't know, it's complicated i guess. sorry this is a ramble aha. does anybody else feel like this?