Kefi

53d

the holidays and my birthday always feel weird to me because of the whole gift giving thing. gift giving and gift receiving are no where near my love languages. with gift receiving, it's not even the fact that i feel indebted to someone who gives me something. it's just... i never ask for anything. i genuinely prefer to get myself things since my tastes can flip flop so fast. so it makes me feel guilty when someone gives me a gift and i can't give them the response they'd want: an excited thank you or a bright grin. i'm always appreciative of course; i just don't know how to wear that face well if that makes sense?

and then giving a gift for someone else feels worse, mainly when they don't tell me outright what they want and just wishes for me to surprise them instead. i can understand wanting someone to know you so well that they get you the perfect gift without even asking, but i'm AWFUL at that. i'm not the best at surprises. i just prefer to have all info in front of me so i know what to get that'll make the receiver happy. but i've found that that makes a lot of people feel like i'm not even trying hard enough.

i don't know, it's complicated i guess. sorry this is a ramble aha. does anybody else feel like this?

Anxiety (Including GAD)

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

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  • alexicon

    53d

    not in the exact same way but i do totally get what you mean. my stepmum asked me to send her things i want for xmas, so i grudgingly sent her a few because if i didn’t she would have wasted her money and bought stuff i didn’t want. sent her a few things, one of which was a fluffy squishmallow. i scoured pages of squishmallows and this was literally the only one i was even remotely interested in, and i did tell her that. then in passing a few days ago she mentions that she’s got me a squishmallow but it’s a completely different one but that “i’ll like it”. I REALLY DONT THINK I WILL BABES 😭 so now she’s spent money on a gift that i don’t want but i know i’m going to have to act thrilled about it. i totally get how you feel.

    • Kefi

      53d

      i get this completely 😭 i feel like something like that has happened with my mother and i so many times that she just quit one christmas, which like... yeah, that's for the best lol. we still spend time together during the holidays tho and that's more preferable than gifts to me

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