Early Recovery from Childhood Trauma-Induced Eating Disorder

So I believe I’m in early recovery im my eating disorder . Been in relapse on and off for 6-7 years and mine was caused from childhood abuse and trauma. I thought at first it was my IBS was flaring up . My stomach hurts bad it’s bloated and I have gas and feel nauseated if I don’t eat right away and my hunger is coming back intense like I’m eating a lot but if I eat a big portion of food I get full fast and I sometimes gag but I take it slow when I feel sick from eating alot . Like when I feel my hunger coming back I get really famished and I’m actually enjoying food . The taste of foods I love it tastes so so good ! I’m actually eating not eating to survive 🥲