How to Cope with Discovering Your Partner's Dark Past

Thank you, thank you, so much for your insight and for sharing personal experiences. It means more than you know💜

If he has apologized to the victim, is holding himself responsible and accountable for the truth, is working with a therapist, and you believe he is trying and is truly a different person, I think that it’s okay to allow yourself to forgive him and be happy in your relationship. It’s also okay if that won’t happen for a long time and it’s also okay to be angry with him. I don’t think you are harming the victim or validating his actions by continuing to love him. You are working for the future while learning from the past. As someone who has also done horrible things and has also been raped and molested and abused, I held myself accountable for the truth and have been forgiven by those that I’ve hurt. It is up to the will of your boyfriend to hold his head high and accept healing, as is the same for the victim. It is no longer his or your responsibility to help the victim heal once you’ve apologized. They have their own agency now. As easy and convenient it is to hate him and for him to hate himself, choosing to accept and love every time will bring you both a better future and lives worth living. Tell him to keep striving to believe in himself and be the person he wants to be by learning to forgive himself. For if he doesn’t, he will continue to victimize himself thus creating more pain and victim. Love and forgiveness are the way forward. I wish you the best.