Ashleejen

151d

I’m scared to be in relationships or to get attached to feel fucking happy to get close to a person I’ll break down would if one day I like them and the next I don’t like the splitting feeling I don’t want to hurt any one it’s such a hard condition and then you feel confused with your feelings and self and if your feelings are true would if there not true? with yourself and your paranoid with your self plus others would if your happy talking to them or if it’s just because it’s what you want or want to feel in the mean time you want for the moment you just feel like a bad person :/ when really your not

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

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  • alexpanda

    150d

    Well, first off, I am glad you recognize that your thoughts are wrong, and that you are not really a bad person. I've been dealing with this for a while, so I get it. I know everybody says that, but I do get it. I still am struggling with this, in fact. I'm terrified to be in a relationship because I want to make people happy, not hurt. It really is a hard condition. As a matter of fact, it's called "the most painful mental illness," so give yourself a pat on the back for handling it like you are. You could be doing a lot worse, so cut yourself some slack, my friend. I'm not the best at advice, but there's this quote that I like to think of when I'm down- "Love is not something you protect. It’s something you risk," also, "Loving someone is such an inherently dangerous act. And yet, love, that’s where safety lives." When you love someone, they don't care about being hurt, they agreed to being okay with that when they became your friend-blood or not. It's a part of the unwritten contract. I know it hurts, it sucks b*lls, but there is no avoiding it. WHen there is love, there will always be hurt, but they don't care. Because to them, it's worth it. And to have someone like that, you must be pretty special. Don't push those people away because of fear, when love is strong enough to fight that fear.

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