Struggling with Disassociation and ADHD after Trauma

adderall has very mixed results with dissociation. It actually has a possibility to help treat dissociation, but can also make it far worse so its a gamble. I have struggled with derealization disorder for more than 5 yrs now, which derealization is a type of dissociation, and i have adhd. Sometimes i like gaslight myself and think maybe I dont even have anything else just DPDR (derealization) but I know I genuinely have a lot of symptoms other ppl with just derealization dont have loll

I spent most of my like disassociating and didn’t even realize it, I have adhd so idk if it makes it worse, but probably doesn’t help. As far as adderall I can’t speak on that as I stopped taking it. Sometimes it’s a nice little break, but coming back to reality is sometimes very jarring. I’ll take disassociating over depersonalization/derealization any day though.