Struggling with Depression and Creativity

Recently I’ve been kinda stuck feeling unhappy with all of the music I make. I know I have something good going for me but I still can’t shake the feeling. My girlfriends supportive and loving and I sometimes question if I’m ready for a serious relationship. I feel awful about it because she does so much for me and I want to be better but I can’t ever get myself to do more. I’m so unmotivated and convinced I’m going nowhere in life. I keep thinking about just going to the ER and telling them I’m going to hurt myself so they can take me away. I just want time off. I can’t afford my few bills and I can’t live working more than 2 days a week because I get so stressed and depressed. When I’ve tried therapy it just stresses me out cuz it’s taking more time out of my days. I feel so tired all the time. I feel so stupid and ignorant or belligerent. I can’t ever get out of my own head but I’m still just not here. I’m just so stuck beyond anything and I’ve been so consistently depressed for so long it’s just not changing and I know I need to change myself but I can’t do it and I don’t care enough to and I feel like that says something about me just being one of those people who never get better. Idk