Struggling with Antidepressant Withdrawal and Finding a New Medication

I was taking Lexapro for over 8 years, and I forgot what anxiety was. But my man and I started talking kids, and I decided to get off of antidepressant. My body said HECK NO! My anxiety came back full force! I tried to get back on my regular dose of Lexapro, but it did not work for me anymore. Since January, 2021 I have been trying to get back to my normal life. I have tried Zoloft, Buspar, Effexor, Pristiq, Celexa - nothing worked as well as Lexapro did for 8 years. I am now on Doxepin. Went up to 75mg a week ago. I did notice that my overall mood got better, and I actually have motivation to do things - even though I have never been diagnosed with depression, this brighter mood is sure a plus! HOWEVER: last November I started taking Ativan since my symptoms were pretty bad, and I couldn’t function. That helped, yes. I was taking 0.5mg daily. On a bad day - twice ot three times, but usually just once. 3 weeks in on Doxepin (25mg at that time) I already noticed my positive changes, but physical symptoms (hard to breathe deeply, lightheadedness, etc) were popping up from time to time. After talking to my prescriber, I made a decision to quit Ativan - it really looked like those symptoms were more of the tolerance between-the-doses symptom. I did cold turkey and went up on Doxepin to 50mg. First week was okay, second week was half-bad, third and fourth weeks were horrible. I believe at this point it’s not withdrawal but my untreated anxiety that bloomed after my nervous system stopped getting sedation from a benzo. A week ago I went up to 75mg on Doxepin. I had about three mini panic attacks at work yesterday. Not feeling good today either. Hydroxyzine does not seem to he helping much. I was prescribed propranolol, but I have to be very careful with it since I already tend to have lower BP.. I have been taking 5mg before bed. No drastic changes. If you experienced anything similar or currently taking Doxepin, please let me know how you dealt with all this and whether it is normal to feel worse when you go up on the dose of the medicine that seemed to actually help… Thank you!