Dealing with Hysterectomy Anxiety and Grief

Im so sorry that you are experiencing this pain, I understand how hard endo pain can be. I understand grieving the loss of something that may never be and the pain of that. I’m sure that you’ve been through so much on this journey and have explored so many options so I hope that I don’t come off just trying to offer solutions and not just understand the pain you’re feeling. But because it’s a decision that could alter the trajectory of your life I feel the need. Have you tried a true excision surgery with a great endo specialist first? Even for the adenomyosis. The endo specialist I saw doesn’t believe that hysterectomy cures endometriosis. I am a PA and i had stage IV endo and adenomyosis and I spent a lot of time researching and the surgeon I was referred to by a friend does a different method of excision that helps endo much more than robotic surgery or cautery surgery which he believes spreads endo because it cannot completely remove the full thickness of the endometriosis lesions. He is in New York and I live in California flew across the country to see him and have the surgery. It was a financial struggle but it helped me so much and I feel confident I was in the right hands and I’m fully recovered now. Many women who I talked to in his lobby had multiple surgeries with other surgeons with no luck and they finally felt like they had relief after surgery with him. I was referred to him by a friend who saw all of the top specialists in California (Stanford, ucsd, usc, ucsf) and she was not finding relief and many doctors were recommending hysterectomy but she wanted children. She saw him and had so much success after surgery and has referred so many women to him with the same. I want children so badly, and so I can’t even imagine grieving the loss of thinking about never having that. I’m so sorry. I’m not sure your history and what you’ve tried and failed before this, but for such a life altering surgery, maybe there is another option. His success rates are so high and his recurrence rates are so low. I can only speak from my experience and the experience of the friends that I’ve now referred but we all are now pain free and mine was extremely extensive stage IV. He believes in preserving fertility and can even remove adenomyosis from the uterus while saving it. He’s done this for many women who have gotten pregnant months after after struggling with pain and infertility for years. His name is Dr Masahide Kanayama and all he does is endo and adeno excision surgeries. He specializes in this and is the only one I know that does adenomyosis excisions on the uterus while preserving fertility and reconstructing the uterus. He also truly truly listens and understands how debilitating the pain can be. He is one of the few doctors that I feel like actually cares about how endo and adeno can affect your life. He is out of network with insurance but I was able to get the whole thing reimbursed through insurance. He shares a lot of surgical photos and details on his instagram to spread awareness and advocate for women but it has a lot of his success stories on there of many women that were urged to do hysterectomy etc @newyorkendometriosis. He also does virtual consults if you don’t want to fly to talk to him. Something to consider before such a life altering surgery. Regardless, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through, I understand the pain. I’ll be praying for you 💕