Feeling Overwhelmed in a New Relationship

This isn’t uncommon for people in new relationships. It’s nothing to be mad at yourself for or feel bad about. I’d suggest doing things that you enjoy, and that way you can be yourself whilst also imagining the ways in which he could participate. That way you’re not focusing solely on him—which *can* turn unhealthy for both of you if it continues on and on—but you’re allowing yourself the space to have those thoughts and think about him.

You're putting a lot of pressure on yourself to be a certain way. All of those "I can't" and "I have to" thoughts are rules you are putting on yourself, none of which are necessary. If you have to cry about him being gone, cry. If you have a hard time enjoying things, don't force it. You don't have to be perfect all the time, and you don't have to be happy he's gone. You're allowed to be sad in his absence, especially at the beginning of your relationship when everything is suddenly about your boyfriend. Another thing is that you keep fighting against those thoughts and how they make you feel. You try to not think those thoughts, so they keep coming back. You try to focus on those thoughts to make the pain go away, so they continue to hurt you. This reminds me of the intrusive thoughts I get with OCD. Everyone gets them, but people like me essentially see the thoughts as a threat. The thought causes extreme anxiety and I feel the need to do rituals to make the anxiety go away, which ends up making it worse. Instead, I do two things: identify the root of the anxiety and let it be there. Ask yourself why repeatedly until you get a root cause. For example, I get anxious about people getting upset and excessively nurture to make them feel better. Why? Because I'm afraid it's my fault. Why? Because I think upsetting anyone will make them leave me. Why? Because I can't bear the thought of being alone. Why? Because I think that someone leaving me means I'm not good enough. From that breakdown, I now know I'm anxious when people are upset because I think it's my fault and I want to be good enough to keep them in my life. When breaking things down like that, though, you've got to make sure you don't get trapped in a spiral. You're simply analyzing the thought, not actually engaging with it. If you find yourself spiralling, step back and take a breather. When I say I let the thoughts be there, what I mean is I don't try to push them out, but I also don't engage with them. Say my boyfriend is mad about his video game - clearly not my fault. I still get anxious because he's upset. I recognize my anxiety, I remember why I'm anxious, and I move on with whatever I was doing. Don't get me wrong: I'm absolutely still anxious. Still, not engaging with the anxiety eventually helps it go away. Maybe not even at this moment, but over time, my anxiety is a little bit lower than before, and then I don't even notice his game rage on good days. As a final note, talk to him. Tell him you miss him. It may be the beginning of your relationship, but that doesn't mean you're not allowed to tell each other how you really feel. Chances are, he misses you too.