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Moodygirly

423d

Tips for dealing with narcissistic parents? (Especially when your “good” parent is 💀)

Top reply
    • sillyashell

      402d

      @Moodygirly No yeah I get what you mean. I would advise putting skepticism on thinking he has the condition because PDs are a combined thought + behavior type of thing and it is genuinely difficult to diagnose someone w NPD based off of actions only, but again I am speaking from the NPD perspective because it gets a little nerve-wracking to deal with stigma. Funnily enough my father also had a drinking & a gambling problem but my mother is still alive and has kicked him out. Finances will always be a problem especially in this damn economy but definitely support your siblings as much as you can because it seems to be the only thing you can do right now. Give them space to talk to you, check in, give them gifts relating to their interests. Learning the drinking schedule and trying to avoid him when he's drunk is another important survival tactic we all know (the whole "sensing the footsteps outside your door" thing). That situation is tough as hell and I fully sympathize with you. Apologies if I came off a bit combative, never know if I'll have to argue about my existence when it comes to NPD

    • sillyashell

      402d

      If you're talking about an actual NPD diagnosis and looking to support a parent with it, I'd say helping someone who is narcissistic depends a lot on having established boundaries and communication. We often don't appreciate insults & backhanded talk for example, so setting a "Let's not mock our intelligence/looks/anything important" boundary may be necessary so both parties don't end up in a war with each other. We also may need space when we get angry or upset since rage can feel stifling and overwhelming. A parent with NPD may definitely need more space than the average parent, so if any disagreements do arise, having conversations whilst both parties are in the right headspace are important. We also tend to have a lot of problems with daydreaming & losing track of time, so note that it's usually never intentional when something gets done late. A parent with NPD may also appreciate extra compliments and praise towards things they are good at. Due to a lack of emotional empathy, a parent with NPD may also need guidance on what to do when their child is upset. I know I ask people close to me "What should I do for you?" because otherwise I'm at a loss. There are other aspects to NPD of course, but at the end of the day having open communication is best. I'd say we tend to be pretty independent and usually insist on working through things alone but narcissists are absolutely not a monolith and that depends from person to person. If you mean "narcissistic" as an egotistical parent and not the disorder, or if you're talking about someone who doesn't want to treat their PD, then getting space for yourself and cutting contact when needed is important. Egotistical parents may not care for communication nor boundaries, and it's important to establish boundaries with other people in your life to sort of break the cycle there. Egotistical parents are also not a monolith and getting them to understand your side varies from person to person. A narcissist who does not want to treat their PD is different in the way that they will always be sinking in shame, and may lash out and project at a perceived attack to their grandiose self. Remember that it is not the disorder that makes someone terrible, it is a lack of wanting to work on the terribleness. Hopefully I covered both possible explanations?

      • Moodygirly

        402d

        @sillyashell yes you did wonderfully! He is not officially diagnosed but my family member who is a MHNP has said it is very likely he has the genuine condition. My previous therapist advised no contact if it was easier but my siblings are 16 and 12- plus he has always had a drinking/gambling problem. My mom (accidentally we think?) overdosed on prescribed opioids nearly 5 years ago, a week and a half before I turned 18. Navigating this grief journey/becoming a young adult has been difficult with lacking both emotional and financial support (I wouldn’t expect it but he does make 6 figures and I have been living on my own since I was kicked out for not cleaning enough/being appreciative enough 6mos after her passing) I hope that explains my situation a bit better? It’s very difficult to speak to him about any wrongdoings in parenting, especially as he is fairly skeptical of mental illnesses and their need for treatment despite me suffering from severe bulimia nervosa for nearly 7yrs (recovered now) and being diagnosed with ADHD & bipolar disorder type 2 at 21

        • sillyashell

          402d

          @Moodygirly No yeah I get what you mean. I would advise putting skepticism on thinking he has the condition because PDs are a combined thought + behavior type of thing and it is genuinely difficult to diagnose someone w NPD based off of actions only, but again I am speaking from the NPD perspective because it gets a little nerve-wracking to deal with stigma. Funnily enough my father also had a drinking & a gambling problem but my mother is still alive and has kicked him out. Finances will always be a problem especially in this damn economy but definitely support your siblings as much as you can because it seems to be the only thing you can do right now. Give them space to talk to you, check in, give them gifts relating to their interests. Learning the drinking schedule and trying to avoid him when he's drunk is another important survival tactic we all know (the whole "sensing the footsteps outside your door" thing). That situation is tough as hell and I fully sympathize with you. Apologies if I came off a bit combative, never know if I'll have to argue about my existence when it comes to NPD

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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