Modris

188d

Does anyone find dissociating in general terrifying? For me it doesn’t really matter if it’s depersonalization or derealization (I experience all three), but I’ll spend days to months checked out of reality. While it’s happening I’ll be aware of the world around me but have the distinct feeling that I’m supposed to be somewhere else or that nothing around me is real at all. I’ll forget relationships and loved ones momentarily. I get amnesia surrounding memories and emotions as soon as a week or a month ago. Then I’ll ‘wake up’ at some point and actually feel both grounded and terrified.

I suspect I have a lot of trauma that causes these and I experience a lot of physical derealizing or depersonalization (usually like feeling like a robot or a doll or like I’m living in a video game). I’ve been suspecting possibly having OSDD but I’m not sure. In the end it doesn’t matter because everything feels so terrifying to me like I’m astral projecting at random when I can’t control it. A lot of the times it feels like that scene from Get Out where the main character gets trapped in his body.

This has been going on for as long as I can remember and at this point I don’t know how to cope. It scares me so much.

Depersonalization

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