MissWilwarin

50d

I really don’t understand why people say “I’m sorry” about things that they had no part in, but I’ve come to accept it as a thing that NT people do to be “polite”.
One thing I’ll never understand is why you’re expected to respond with gratitude(thanks, thank you, I appreciate that, etc). What did they do to deserve my gratitude? Nothing. I could understand if they had at least said “I hope things get better” or something like that.
But just telling me that you’re sorry about something you’re not involved in? You’re not sorry. You feel sorry for me. And I’m not going to tell someone thank you because they feel sorry for me.

Depression

Anxiety (Including GAD)

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

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  • MiriBekah

    50d

    Yes!!! Finally someone said that!!!! I hate when people pity me and I don’t want to thank them for pitying me. I think it’s just the natural thing to say, but I’d rather them say “I hope things get better”. And to put the cherry on top, the people who say “I’m sorry” don’t even understand what you’re going through. They don’t know what it’s like.

    • 4byfour

      50d

      I agree. “I’m sorry” definitely comes across as like…a passing phrase. It’s not empathetic at all. And having to say thank you on top of that is like saying you obligated them somehow. For two words?

      • MiriBekah

        31d

        Plus, like how do you respond to that when you’re not thankful for the situation or what they’re saying to you. But at the same time you don’t wanna be like “No your not” or something like that.

  • 4byfour

    50d

    Pity is what people do when they’re too scared to understand. I think Ram Dass said something like that

  • busy_bee

    31d

    I know. It's hard not to just wanna say "damn that sucks" but I guess for me it's like "wow I'm sorry you're going through that I would like to offer you my support"

    • MissWilwarin

      31d

      yeah, saying “I’m sorry would you like my support” is a lot better than just saying “I’m sorry”.

      • busy_bee

        28d

        that's a really good point. I think I do that??? Idk I definitely will now and hope that will be the norm (offering support vs just straight up apologizing)

  • Livingasazebra

    30d

    I’m pretty sure they mean it as “I’m sorry that happened” as in they’re showing empathy but they don’t express that message very clearly to us bc they don’t explain what they mean

    • 4byfour

      30d

      I think the writer was venting about one particular moment, because sometimes saying ‘I’m sorry’ is all you _can_ say, so same :) I’m with ya. I like the phrases ‘you’ve been through a lot, huh?’ And ‘you’re very brave, thanks for sharing that’ instead. It’s hard to express ‘I’m sorry’ in polite terms and it does suck a lot

  • HelpfulInformation

    28d

    My grandma taught me to say excuse me, never ever say I'm sorry unless you really are. She would ask me "if you bump into someone are you sorry for being there? No, you should never be sorry "

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