Struggling with Mental Health After Trauma

I’m not usually one to self diagnose. But I have had these symptoms for a while but after a very traumatic time in my life it has become absolutely debilitating to enjoy my life. I have horrible anxiety and paranoia spurts, major depression, SI and thoughts of SH (clean for three months), I have these anger spikes over little things. Everything becomes too much at once and I just lash out either in anger or self deprecating actions. I am afraid I might have BPD or CPTSD. I also have disassociation 25/8 and dizzy spells out of nowhere. I’m just not sure what’s wrong with me and my mom refuses to let me go to the doctor again. (Still paying off medical bills from my attempt). Plz help :/