Living with a Transphobic Parent

one thing i’ll say is don’t let his treatment of you make you rush into changing your name. do what you were planning before and get comfortable with it first. make sure it’s your favorite option and that you’ll want to be called that by everyone, forever. would hate for you to rush into legally changing your name only so he’ll call you by your chosen name. because it’s not guaranteed that he will. if he’s transphobic and already brings up your birth certificate, he may continue to do that, even if you do legally change your name.

Yikes yeah that sucks, i was put in a slightly better but much weirder situation. My brother is transphobic but my mother is supportive and also really enjoys using that supportiveness to get special attention. She has documented Muenchhausen syndrome by proxy and got lucky by having 3 children with ranging disabilities, although she did occasionally give me unnecessary medications to induce illness symptoms to get sympathy anyways it was minor, and that behavior seems to have spread to other aspects of our lives where her support can also get her sympathy and attention. Sometimes it makes it feel fake but it's not really her that bothers me, because the way she is supportive and protective my brother could not be openly transphobic in any way and instead subjected me to weird interactions like telling me that "names have power and changing them is disrespectful to those who gave us that power" in response to me changing my MIDDLE name, not even a name he'd ever need to use. Because he was being weird and passive agressive about it all of it flew under my moms radar so if I brought it up I'd be considered too sensitive or picking fights. It was so odd and off putting the whole time I lived there, neither of us would be kicked out over it but it had to remain passive aggressive so we didn't cause conflict with my mother as well.

I'm sorry you're going through that. I'm also here for moral support. If you need to chat, I'll be here.

I'm cis but I just wanted to say I'm so sorry you're going through this and unfortunately I have no advice but if you need someone to vent to I'm here! I'm an ally. ❤️

Noo, I understand that, I'm closeted because I know crap would go down if they knew

Im so sorry your father is not accepting you as yourself including your name. It's the unfortunate reality that a lot of us deal with. I find that some parents outright disagree (and do the likes of disowning and throwing kids out, and others moreso are on a journey of acceptance of their own-- having an image that often seems to suddenly change when there is a coming out or announcement. For those on their own journey it helps to have patience and to have conversations about your reality, allow them within some boundaries to slowly be let into your experience. To give you a bit of info perspective, I now live across the country from my family because I felt like my mom wasn't allowing me to spread my wings... But with my move (and distance physically and socially)and some other personal risks I took, she actually asked for the name I was going by and pronouns, and has made that effort to change and show the acceptance and understanding, (and interest--> understanding in my experience with ASD) in a way that she hadn't in the years since diagnosis, trying to hint at non-binary and trans, telling her my name. Until I moved she was using my legal name. I still haven't made legal transition, but def on my list of things I want.

That's abusive of him. Jesus Christ