Hello,I need to get this off my chest before it consumes me and turns into resentment towards my boyfriend. Ever since he told me he’d be unhappy if we were ever to wait have *you know* untill marriage, i’ve felt betrayed, sad, and disappointed. We’ve already talked about and… moved on i guess. I dont think i have completely. I feel anxiety about it now. I feel pressured. I never wantes to even wait till marriage and never told him, but him saying that hurt me… it was just unecessary to say. Yes its his truth and he was being honest but it feels like he doesnt love me enough to do anything for me if he would be unhappy over that. I feel that if a man truly loves his woman he would do anything to make her happy. But i dont think my boyfriend would because he wouldnt wait till marriage… for me. I dont feel like im that important to him anymore or worth 100% to him. I know my worth, i know a man should love me and want to wait till marriage if he really loved me if thats what i really wanted. It seems like he has no seggsual discipline now, every time we “cuddle” it turns into something more (the less mild intimate stuff). I dont feel i am being valued or will be valued to the extent i want to be. I have to think more about this and will probably bring it up again just to vent to him personally. If you’ve read this far, thank you. Advice, sharing, and comfort is okay to comment.
Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)
Anxiety (Including GAD)
Ya I feel u I’m not in a situation with a boyfriend but I get not being valued and cared for by the people that are supposed to care for you my best thing is to go get away even if it hurts or scares u becuz it’s the only way to peace and healing staying in a stuck situation feeling this way will not help us in anyway I hope u get somewhere safe emotionally and physically
thank you 💕
Honestly it just sounds like you're incompatible. It wouldn't matter to me how much I love someone I could not be celibate for them. Sex is an important way for me to connect to my partner and their expectation for me to hold out and wait on them is compromising and disregarding my needs for sexual connection. This is why conversations around sex are important. He shouldn't be pressuring you to do things you aren't comfortable with but you can't be changing this into "he doesn't care about me" just because his expectations and needs are different.
You need to have a conversation, express where your boundaries, and if you two are not on the same page discuss where your relationship needs to go.
I think its unfair to him for you to feel upset at his statement that he would be unhappy if he was made to wait till marriage. It seems like he was expressing his boundaries and what is and isn't what he is looking for when it comes to sexual boundaries and expectations. You on the other hand seem to have not had that clear conversation with him on where your boundaries and expectations are. You say you didn't tell him you wanted to wait till marriage but you are upset that he brought it up? Maybe he knows that's closer to where you are and wanted to have that conversation with you.
It also bothers me that you are placing your value on whether or not you have sex and whether he values you or not by trying to initiate something sexual. Your value does not change whether you are sexually active or not as its just a normal part of being a human. I agree that pressuring you to do something is wrong but he may not be doing it intentionally if you have not expressed clear boundaries.
I see what you’re saying, but i did say i didnt plan to wait till marriage too. and yes hos preference upsets me but i still acknowledge that it’s his truth and preference. Him and I agree on the fact that we dont want to wait till marriage. im only sad that he wouldnt do anything for me. and that’s probably irrational but thats just how i feel and i need time to accept how i feel and to move on from it.
just chiming in, I saw your other messages about him and there many red flags with this guy. you could find someone so much better, you deserve more. I know it’s hard but you should really bring this all up with him or break it off if he can’t learn to respect you. I totally get feeling like it’s near impossible to find someone as an autistic person, but it’s not okay for him to treat you like this.
If you’ve ready my messages older than this month, its a different guy hehe. My current bf is not even a month yet. thank you for your concern!! My current bf is better than my ex! I’d never downgrade!
oh good. well with this guy, I think it’s important to express that you’re uncomfortable when things escalate. it’s okay to take time, it is very intimate. consent is so important and you shouldn’t feel pressured into engaging in those sort of things.
Update: We had a conversation again and he told me he realized he needs to be patient and make sure i am comfortable☺️ He told me much more but i can’t say word to word he said, he was super sweet and understanding and seems like his mindset is growing for the better for our relationship!! True love is real!!!
☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision
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