Myhandshurt

59d

Struggling to keep my eyes open most days. The nightmares have been making it impossible to sleep. Some days I wish I had just stayed with her a little bit longer until I was a little bit stronger. I knew how to handle that pain. But this pain, this separation, has been one of the hardest thing I’ve been through. I know she was abusive. I know the relationship was unhealthy. But the hurt we know can be so much more comfortable that the hurt of the unknown. The hurt of leaving. I wish i could one night of restful sleep. I wish I didn’t see her in my dreams. I wish I could move out and feel better about me. I wish she didn’t still have this control over me. I need affirmations or support or something. I feel so small.

Complex post traumatic stress disorder

Generalized pain

Anxiety (Including GAD)

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

Depression

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  • Honeyluv1

    59d

    I’m going Thru the same , it hurts so bad 😞

    • fratboykermit

      59d

      you're going in the right direction! it feels like this is step one, but you're so much further ahead than you could imagine! i hope life is kind to you right now!

  • fratboykermit

    59d

    it's okay to still feel those emotions. i have BPD, so the attachment to people i really shouldn't be is strong- i've been through so many "heartbreaks", where when i come to a more sober mindset, i realize i was just assaulted and it's honestly a good thing i managed to get out. i wish i could give you some magic words to make the feelings go away. but it's the same with breaking your ankle; no matter how much you know about breaking ankles, you still have to feel the pain to heal. you have all of these thoughts running through your head, so you're going to feel it. let yourself feel it. and next time you feel like you might be getting in a similar situation, remember how you feel now. this is an experience you sadly won't forget, but it'll shape you and you'll learn from it. as for the right now, i just had a similar conversation with my partner last night. when you feel thoughts ruminating, distract yourself; you might even distract yourself from the feeling too. what's comforting to you? do you like nostalgic games or cartoons? do you have a pet you can love on/ lay on/ talk to? i used to talk to my mice before i had a therapist, and stupidly it.... really really helped lol. if you're comfortable getting out of the house, maybe a walk? i pace around my room when i can't get outside. music is very comforting (if you're a weed person, smoke + music sesh + walk to get out my energy + sleep = a night where my mind is a little kinder to me). you did the right thing. i'm sorry it hurts. i don't know you personally, but i don't think ANYONE deserves to be in a position like that; you have bigger and better things and people out there for you. you are someone worth healthy love, and a lot of it! if you ever need to message, i'm here! i'm sorry if my long ramble was too much, i've gone through this so many times that i wish i had a way to help people better. i (platonically ;D) love you, and i hope life brings you all the love and comfort you need right now!

  • Honeyluv1

    58d

    Thank you so much I wish I had seen this earlier , the feeling is horrible like you just lost a piece of yourself. How can I function I ask ? But you are right I have to keep pushing… i have to heal , today I was feeling so low and I wanted to reach out to him but I won’t I have to stop this vicious narcissist cycle. Ty again and I hope you are feeling better . I pray I do go for walks ? I wish I can smoke lol but I have asthma so I drink teas I do have 3 dogs that love me. I am grateful and one day at a time , ty my new friend xoxo

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