IceCup

40d

TW Rant includes thoughts of harm + sexual themes


I want to die. Literally I get so jealous and feel so lonely when I see other people/ friends together. I don’t even celebrate Christmas, but I had a mental breakdown at work (idk why but this whole week has been hard with finals too ig). People always leave. Even if u do have friends it’s inevitable that they move to a new school, lose touch, eventually move on, die, etc. I’m in my second year of college with no friends and I moved across the country so I’m here by myself. (Family wouldn’t make a difference anyway because they make everything worse).

It’s hard seeing the bitchiest, meanest people have so many friends. I just don’t understand why it’s so hard for me to like people and find someone who’ll like me back. Everyone seems like they want to be acquaintances and not actual friends. My adhd makes me avoid a lot of places and I stay inside my room too much…I thought it was my depression, adhd, etc that made me different and that’s why it’s hard to make friends but i see really mentally ill ppl with adhd or autism still have a lot of friends. People say that I’m “nice” whatever that means but ig I’m too weird to be friends with.

The social part of college is too difficult I don’t want to do this anymore…it’s not even worth it. What’s the point if I just have to work the rest of my life? If I don’t go to college, I won’t get a job that I can actually tolerate with my adhd and won’t make me go crazy. I’ll still have no friends or partner though.

I tried losing my virginity to random ppl online (ofc that didn’t go well) but not because of the reasons u might be thinking. It literally couldn’t go in even with extreme pain so I got to add another disorder to the list😃 I can’t ever do anything right. Even kissing felt disgusting.

Getting diagnosed with adhd made me realize everything I hate about myself is adhd related. I can’t even go to the dining hall without extreme anxiety, my room disgusts me, I have 7 cents in my bank account bc I spent all my money on shiny rocks just to feel something.

I’ve been in therapy for over 8 years and was diagnosed w major depression in middle school. Might as well end things now because things won’t get better anytime soon.

Depression

Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

Agoraphobia

Anxiety (Including GAD)

View all
  • MikesApplesauce

    37d

    Yeah, I've been there and always find myself back in a headspace like this one once we get to the winter months. Also in college, also a bit of a recluse, also feel like things are hopeless/pointless at times. You didn't ask for advice, so I want attack you with it, but you aren't alone! I know that the thought that all of this is pointless is incorrect, and I've thought a lot about why. If you want to talk more about it, feel free to message me back! This is a topic that I feel pretty strongly on

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