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Dealing with Social Pressure to Stimm

alyssa25

585d

so I have always stimmed by myself and not around others but my boyfriend is pressuring me to stim around others. I mainly don't stim around others cause when I was a kid I was in ABA and my parents didn't allow me to stim and called me the R word. he seems upset when I tell the truth and claims I can put my emotions aside and stim around others but I can't. I don't know what to do

3

9

9

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

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Top reply
    • AriEden

      583d

      in general I don't enjoy people who assert that logic and emotions are opposites. I have bpd (emotions) and an IQ of 131 (logic). emotionality can be logical, if not predictable, reliable, and understandable.

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    • EatenByWormy

      582d

      I would keep doing my thing ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ You may be able to stim around others without feeling anything negative someday, and if that happens, great! But forcing you to do it now will not just fix it. The key here isn’t the stimming, it’s how safe YOU feel. He’s getting it backwards. Once you feel safe, you can do what you want in front of who you want. Nobody else can make the call. He’s trying to help in his way but his way of processing and coping isn’t universal. I think that’s pretty common.

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    • AriEden

      583d

      in general I don't enjoy people who assert that logic and emotions are opposites. I have bpd (emotions) and an IQ of 131 (logic). emotionality can be logical, if not predictable, reliable, and understandable.

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      Reply
      • EatenByWormy

        582d

        @AriEden this !!!

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    • angelcatmom

      584d

      If he doesn't understand the way you feel he isn't the right fit for you and you should break up with him

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    • aevyn

      585d

      Stimming is a deeply personal thing, and no one gets to tell you when/where/how to do it. Additionally, he needs to understand that the benefits you get from stimming may be outweighed by the trauma caused by the reactions of others. It seems like he has good intentions, but isn't considering all sides of the situation.

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      • alyssa25

        584d

        @aevyn that's exactly it I just can't do it but one of his special interests is logic and emotions and he thinks I can fight the negative feelings I have and put those emotions to the side and stim in front of others. I'm done trying to explain because he refused to understand

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    • Freia

      585d

      i think you should tell him you feel uncomfortable stimming in front of others and that he shouldn’t pressure you to do so. if you want to slowly work toward stimming in front of others that is your decision on yours only he doesn’t have the right to tell you stim in front of others especially people who will judge you and call you names for it

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      • alyssa25

        584d

        @Freia i have told him everything many times but one of his special interests is logic and emotions and he thinks the negative thoughts can be dealt with and I'll be able to stim if I ingore them

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        • Freia

          583d

          @alyssa25 is it possible you can explain to him that this isn’t something you can ignore or overlook because it is something sensitive to you maybe then he’ll understand

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☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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