Struggling to see people as more than just entertainment

I feel similar. I can empathize and I do care about others' well-being. And I try to be aware of how I affect people. But anytime someone tries to connect with me, I don't feel anything. Unless it's like specific scenarios that I idealize, I don't really feel anything. Even when I am in moments I idealize, I still feel deeply insecure and like I have a long way to go to be happy. And i also have issues with over exaggerating certain things to make them more appealing in my head. Or when I rant, I tend to try and make myself spiral sometimes. Because I try to test how much attention someone will give me? But I don't want them to feel bad for me either. I confuse myself sometimes T_T. Idk if what I'm saying makes sense

I know it sucks because I’ve been there but I can definitely say that acknowledgment is the first step. Wanting to better yourself is a good stepping stone