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catdad22

551d

Cw: s**cidal thoughts TLDR: dealing with complicated emotions about something health-related that I don’t know to be true for sure A few weeks ago, I got a really thorough assessment by a naturopathic consultant who specializes in chronic pain, chronic illness and neurodivergence. She waited to finalize her notes and send them to me until after I got back the results for some bloodwork. The information I have now is not enough for a diagnosis of anything, and the consultant has recommended another, much more specific set of lab work. However, this set would be to rule out or confirm something that she thinks has a good chance of being the case. The condition she wants to test for is something serious, but not immediately lethal. For some personal mental health context, I have not been actively suicidal or in planning mode to ends things in five years. However, I have still had a passive internal stance towards life since then. (That probably doesn’t make much sense, but bear with me because I didn’t know that I don’t want to word it.) I don’t think about wanting to die anywhere nearly as often as I used to, but I do think about how grateful I would be if something external take care of things for me and caused me to die. That general sense has been on the rise for a few years now as my chronic pain and illness have gotten worse. I’m trying as much as possible to not let myself think about anything related to the possible condition since I know that practically it could just as easily not be what’s going on. Logic and practicality tell me that letting myself think about what if of this possibility won’t help me in any way. Still, I’m really struggling, and it doesn’t help that I’m exhausted by the combination of health and other things happening. I’d appreciate any thoughts you have to offer.

Top reply
    • kat32

      551d

      I can relate to the feeling of wishing something else would just take care of things for you. Chronic illness, pain, and stress certainly exacerbate that feeling. I am here if it would be helpful to talk to someone. Sending love and hugs to you ❤

    • kat32

      551d

      I can relate to the feeling of wishing something else would just take care of things for you. Chronic illness, pain, and stress certainly exacerbate that feeling. I am here if it would be helpful to talk to someone. Sending love and hugs to you ❤

    • pianolover314

      551d

      I am not religious, I have reached rock bottom until I was saved by my ADHD diagnosis and Adderall. What I suggest to think about, is whoever you believe put you on this planet, they did for a reason, and for a certain but unknown amount of time. So just live the life you enjoy while you're alive. Idk how old you are, but there's nothing guaranteed to how old you'll live, just be the best cat dad you can and enjoy what life you're able to right now

    • Akemi

      551d

      I understand exactly what your talking about with "passive acception of death" I have a friend that's the same way. So I'll tell you what I told them and really hope that it helps. You can only experience things when you're alive. The pain and exhaustion are hard to deal with, especially if you don't feel supported by those around you. But there is always something to love doing, it just takes time to find it. Try new things, even things you think you might not like. Because why not? It could be wonderful. At the very least you learn something about yourself. And take time to appreciate the small stuff. Your favorite snack, the feeling of a warm blanket fresh from a dryer, a good song. Let yourself be absorbed in all the small things life has to offer because even when life is hard, if you want it to be it can still be beautiful. And if you need it there will always be someone to talk to if you reach out, even if it's not in person, there is always the people here to understand and listen. And when stuff gets overwhelming let yourself take it one step at a time. You don't have to do everything now. I hope it helps even a little bit.💜💜

    • Lelu12

      551d

      Do you have things to distract you? To look forward to?

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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