Hi. I’m not really good at writing how I feel. I’ve always kept to myself throughout my life and it’s only recently that I’ve decided to open up a bit more about how I feel. I didn’t and still do not want to be a burden or annoying and inconsiderate to others, and I thought I could just deal with things and resolve my issues on my own… but it doesn’t seem to be working. I’ve been suicidal for 4 years now. I often have thoughts of wanting to die believing it is the best for me. However I always prevent myself from taking action when I think about my family. So since I can’t die, I’m just depressed and staying alive because it’s more of a responsibility. I can’t.. I find it impossible to open up to my family about my struggles, which is why I can’t go to a therapist (also it’s expensive and I’m at a point where my mind constantly tells me that not existing is the best solution). Idk… the fact that I’m even trying rn, writing to others about it, I guess I just need someone to talk to, someone that understands me, that wouldn’t despise me. I can’t get rid of the pain I feel immediately so I’m trying to relieve it even by a little bit. Thank you for reading and sorry for taking your time.