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r4tz

614d

Been really difficult recently. I lost my best friend to suicide a little under a year and a half ago. I feel guilty, like I caused it. I get flashbacks, memories, intrusive thoughts, of the situation and of him. Somedays they get so bad that I simply cannot sleep. He passed due to an overdose, and left a note to me saying that he always hoped I knew he was proud of me and that I was a great friend. I really never knew much about him, just that I loved him like a brother. I don’t remember what he was like honestly, it confuses me. I barely cry about it anymore, unless it’s one of the most difficult days. I overthink everything and plan for the worst, I’ve been paranoid for months. I’m constantly jumpy, concerned about everything. Recently just feeling like I have to be perfect, or else someone else will pass, or leave me. I don’t like my self image. I care more about peoples thoughts about me; than my own. I beg for acceptance from everyone and I’m trying to learn how to not care. I’ve been living with my sister for a few weeks, she’s one of my icons at this point, she’s learned to simply stop caring what others think and it’s helping me. There’s been times where I’ve met people and they simply say or talk a similar way to him and it makes me break down. I can’t concentrate on many things anymore. I don’t feel any interest in doing anything anymore, even major trips, seeing friends, being able to express myself. Overall, it’s been a very tough ride and I simply don’t think I will ever fully recover.

Top reply
    • r4tz

      614d

      @Skylar22 Thank you for replying on this, even just the reminder that other people go through (or have gone through) similar things helps, reminds me I’m not completely alone. I do truly appreciate it.

    • PhotonMike

      613d

      If you can, finding a good therapist might be helpful. I wish you the best ❤️

    • Skylar22

      614d

      My best friend passed from an overdose 5 years ago, I'm not gonna get into details, but the first 2 years was hard, but I met my new best friend, over time it got easier to go through daily life, but small things, small dumb things remind me of him, our favorite song, paper plates at a campfire,(weird story) even just random memories, and the dates too. I blamed myself for the longest time for his death, sometimes I still do, you never truly get over it, just, it gets easier to live life, it felt like I'd never recover from it too, and to be fair I never will, just find the people who are gonna try their hardest to make you smile and be there for you on your worst days, I kinda suck with words sometimes so I hope this helps

      • r4tz

        614d

        @Skylar22 Thank you for replying on this, even just the reminder that other people go through (or have gone through) similar things helps, reminds me I’m not completely alone. I do truly appreciate it.

        • Skylar22

          614d

          @r4tz ofc, if you ever need to talk, I'm here

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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