Living with Chronic Pain and Anxiety

plz read if you can. Rant: I have cfs and one of the most annoying thingz is I have chronic pain and anxiety. I am in a LOT of pain like 7-8 level out of 10. its horrible and irs that kinda pain that doesn't let you sleep. I woke up at 3pm yesterday after falling asleep at 4am the day before. now its 6.20am and I couldn't sleep all night because of my pain and my brain yelling at me. I have some kind of ocd intrusive thoughts bull going on constantly saying stupid shit that I know is stupid but it gets In my head and I panic. like today it was: I had another blood clot and I need to cut it out by stabbing the area wirh a knife or I will have a heart attack because thw clot turns into a PE then it was saying I can't do anything because then my lungs will collapse if I stab myself and then I will die suffocating and of blood loss etc. lucky the pain has subsided a bit (5-6) so i can sleep somewhat now but I'm now going to probably sleep for 24 hours again and it sucks. I spend most of the day in bed, today I couldn't even put away a few dishes downstairs without feeling like I climbed mount snowdin! (and yes I have done that before i got I'll and I want to do it again if i get better) it doesnt help that I dissasociate and have in the past hurt myself in a bad dissasociative state. cut my mouth open and needed 20+ stitches. stabbed myself woth a fork, scratched my head and face till i blead and had gouge marks and scratch marks, smashed my head against walls. (im jist going off what people have told me as i dont even remember 1/8 of it.) those are extremes and usually I can stop a disassociation or be able to control it so I don't leave completely. when i can't sleep and am in pain I can't stop it as easily and i don't realize I'm dissasociating as I'm already so tired amd can't move well. I'm in the uk and I don't want to go to hospital. so I'm trying to not go but its getting harder. rant over.