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Trying to be Single with BPD: Help or Hindrance?

lindseeeey

471d

has anyone “tried” to be single?? ive had on and off toxic relationships for the past two years so i was trying to stay single in 2023. but after talking to my psych and therapist they are worried because its black and white thinking… so now im lost! how has choosing to be single helped/hurt your bpd symptoms??

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Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

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    • italianxpeaches

      470d

      @lindseeeey no I didn't get the urges BUT I was on roleplaying sites so I had a lot of friends back then and the urges I did have was to date my friends because I developed crushes on them. Which caused conflict between us. Because I would get jealous. It's probably why I don't have friends now. It was a very toxic place back then for me. Because some friends didn't like it and some fed into it because they had similar issues. But even know though, if I fully let go of my partner (we have a date set to end it officially if things don't change), I would have the urge to join dating apps immediately. But I also know this isn't healthy. It's something I would have to talk about with my therapist. I would suggest finding other things to occupy your mind with. For me, I'm gonna try to throw myself into a work environment and be that person who's "married to their work" so to speak so I don't have even a moment to think about a relationship if I split from mine. So I'd say talk to your therapist and see what things you can do to occupy that part of your brain until you're ready and in a healthy state for a relationship. Either a hobby, volunteer work or something that you will be happy with.

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    • italianxpeaches

      471d

      I was single for 4 years, the longest I've ever been before I met my last partner. It was honestly an amazing time in my life... And honestly helped my BPD and symptoms. I focused A LOT more on myself after my initial heartbreak. I hyperfocus on my partners when I'm with them so relationships become very toxic very quickly for me. If you want to be single, go for it but set goals and boundaries with your therapist... And ask them to hold you accountable with sessions. You need professionals who will do this, not baby you (I found this hurtful, not helpful), just my imo. But it may be different for you. The only therapist that helped me in my entire 8 years of going was the one who held me accountable and he unfortunately left the facility.

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      • lindseeeey

        471d

        @italianxpeaches thank you!! i really think it will be good for me. i definitely have a “tough love” psychiatrist and my therapist doesn’t take my crap (which i need). did you ever get urges to like get on dating apps or go on dates or anything? i tend to get really impulsive so im trying to remove some temptations (ive already deleted dating apps). thanks for your perspective!!

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        • italianxpeaches

          470d

          @lindseeeey no I didn't get the urges BUT I was on roleplaying sites so I had a lot of friends back then and the urges I did have was to date my friends because I developed crushes on them. Which caused conflict between us. Because I would get jealous. It's probably why I don't have friends now. It was a very toxic place back then for me. Because some friends didn't like it and some fed into it because they had similar issues. But even know though, if I fully let go of my partner (we have a date set to end it officially if things don't change), I would have the urge to join dating apps immediately. But I also know this isn't healthy. It's something I would have to talk about with my therapist. I would suggest finding other things to occupy your mind with. For me, I'm gonna try to throw myself into a work environment and be that person who's "married to their work" so to speak so I don't have even a moment to think about a relationship if I split from mine. So I'd say talk to your therapist and see what things you can do to occupy that part of your brain until you're ready and in a healthy state for a relationship. Either a hobby, volunteer work or something that you will be happy with.

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    • deathlost

      471d

      For me, it was after 2019/2020 that I tried to swear off relationships for a while. It didn't really work because I met my husband pretty much that year. I've noticed that when I'm independent/by myself when my husband's gone at work, i feel like myself. Being single would be ideal for me but I'm too scared to leave my husband because of my fear of abandonment.

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      • lindseeeey

        471d

        @deathlost i felt the same about wanting to leave my last partner! although she was a diagnosed narcissist so safe to say it was toxic. ive gone back to her 100 times but im really trying to stick to my guns this time. its been about three weeks since we split the last time which is the longest ive been single in a while.

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☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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