Missing My Old Self: Struggling with Derealisation and Fear of BPD

I miss my old self lol. I think how I lived before I self diagnosed myself with derealisation and it’s just mind blowing to me, I don’t really understand. I worry about if I’m getting BPD or anything like that but if spoken with multiple doctors now and they’ve not picked up on anything, just anxiety and have given me anti depressants that I haven’t taken. Miss my old life and despite it wasn’t great, I took it for granted. It’s sad and I’m scared tbh. I have a weird sense of self.