Struggling with Grad School Stress and Mental Health

long story short, I'm in the last leg of grad school and writing my final essay. today I had some pc issues and thought my essay got lost. thankfully I was able to recover it, but those hours of "oh fuck" were the straw that broke the camels back and I honestly haven't felt this bad or broken since corona first started (which was another awful time for my mental health). I keep going from empty to in a good mood, to sad and stressed again and I can't bring myself to finish the damn essay, but I've also reached the point where I just want to turn the fucker in and get it off my chest. I almost disassociated/derealed a bit and my suicidal ideations have gone way up. like im honestly wondering if I should check myself in somewhere. i know I won't do anything, since im deeply afraid of death but I'm just so rough rn