mashed_potato

111d

How can I stop fixating on an ex?

backstory: he has been the only "healthy" guy I've been with... I didn't realize what being treated nicely was like until him. unfortunately I was in a very bad place when I dated him and my drinking was very bad.. still is. We broke up because I guess the stress of my mental health was too much and I also didn't want to hurt him. (I think. my memory is shot) anyway, we promised to stay friends and support each other in future relationships. 2 months or so after the relationship ended I noticed he was wayyyy more distant. eventually he dropped me over text in the middle of the day saying his new gf doesn't want him talking to "an ex."
I was wrecked for a long time but eventually got better. He was mia for months, apparently picked up an addiction because this girl was way mentally worse off than me. (wanted to off herself, and other people if he left her) but after he got out of rehab... he got back with her.

I know I need to give up on him because it really seems he doesn't give a shit about me anymore.. but its hard to do because he's the only guy I actually believed when he said he was in love with me.... is love really that temporary?

Attention-Deficit Disorder

Depression

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Anxiety (Including GAD)

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  • Pentacle

    111d

    😥

  • welpe

    111d

    Love is a strange thing, as much as it seems like it heals, it can also hurt. I think it comes from change how positive what once was (and the positive feelings it led to) being difficult and from visualization on what was. It's difficult. I find that matter a breakup it can be healing to take on new hobbies you truly enjoy and can be emersed in. It helps to build positive associations, and also being busy with something else can make it harder for train of thought to fall back to where it was. It may sound strange at this point but time also heals. It sounds fairly fresh right now, and I'm sorry you are struggling so... I wish that I could take that pain away... but as distance maintains or increases it should be like finding a new normal and have fewer opportunities to have the strong emotions. For many this often means, staying away from social media and anything related to them during the healing process. Best of luck on the healing journey. We are all here for you. Been in similar situations and happy to talk if needed or desired.

    • mashed_potato

      111d

      had a small hobby fixation for a while but lost interest before I even finished it 😅 I have definitely been considering dropping social media for a while, just hard to do because that's how I communicate with my friends and I'm scared of being alone. But it will probably be for the best

  • welpe

    111d

    If you give up social media, it would be my hope that you could get additional contact information for those you want to remain in contact with. People often do it and hopefully they understand. I find that when I give up social media I often feel better and find other rewarding ways to fill that time. Another thing that can help is small goals of staying away that can grow if needed, as well as a scan of self and if on could handle what is on/likely on it, say A wedding or something that not invited to from past lover or something. I suggest this as a general skill, but one that can help prevent getting strongly triggered by emotions and being aware with where one is.

    • mashed_potato

      111d

      Thank you! Hopefully I'll be able to try it... I have a hard time committing to my goals

  • MysticFairyFae

    111d

    I’m literally going through that now.

  • welpe

    111d

    Understand that. Same here. there's a few occasions that I will do goals, but often I feel dejected when I fail to hit the goal. One way that I work around this on a personal level is to set directions... (started from new years resolutions, to a direction a year), when I started it was not being as hard on myself, and to work to see possibilities others saw for me that I didn't see for myself from self-critique. This year I have it set as healing. In this method On a personal level over the year I have consistently seen growth towards that direction. It wasn't always easy, the journey is non-linear, but I think what it reinforces is small steps are the building blocks to progress.

  • PlaslyMeds

    111d

    I also have a sort of fixation/ strange friendship with an ex. However I think one thing you have to acknowledge is that you are NOT responsible for his happiness. You never will be. And as much as you want him to be happy, you can’t fix those things for him.

  • EmmaWai

    111d

    "what is grief if not love persisting?" It might be time to let him go. Let yourself grieve though. Grief isn't just for death, it's for whenever we lose someone we loved.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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