I was diagnosed with autism. I frequently feel like it had to have been a mistake.
Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)
i commented more below!
If it helps, although I was diagnosed as a child I am almost completely functional. I'm almost completely verbal. I really just have sense sensitivities, I get overstimulated occasionally, and I have a difficult time with understanding body language.
People (not doctors) my whole life have told me my diagnosis is a mistake because I'm super high functioning. Due to this I got a 2nd diagnosis as an adult when I was in therapy. My therapist told me while I am on the lighter side of the spectrum I am solidly on the spectrum. This helped me quite a bit with accepting the childhood diagnosis was not a mistake. I was constantly thinking "Am I really autistic? I'm not autistic enough to claim that I am."
I guess what I'm saying is a 2nd opinion really helps with questionable diagnoses. Also autism IS a spectrum you can be mostly functional/verbal and still have autistic traits and land on the spectrum.
Autism comes in all shapes and sizes! It took them forever to diagnose me because it really doesn't seem like I have it at first. Is there any particular reason you think it was a mistake?
i feel like......"thats all? Thats all autism is?"
I mean...yeah, I struggle with nonverbal communication, extended direct eye contact, sensory sensitivities. I walked in the balls of my feet as a kid and wouldn't shut up and always asked 'why' to everything constantly. I've been a pickiest eater. Easily car sick. Clumsy. Dyslexic. Synesthesia. Auditory processing issues. Slower processing speed with new info. Difficulty with change.
Executive dysfunction, emotional regulation, rejection sensitivity...
But autism was never presented to me like that.
I sound "normal" most days. Sure, im asked about my 'accent' more than my peers but...
I look "normal". I'm really articulate. I've only gone nonverbal maybe 5 or 6 times.
My whole life i just thought...
Oh, I'm just anxious thats why I abandoned my shopping cart.
Oh, i was just raised by wolfs thats why I people watch to study how to be.
Oh, I was just quirky.
Oh, im just really bad at sports with the body awareness of a rock.
Oh, im just difficult thats why people find me frustrating and choosy.
Or....oh, im just not a hugger.
Oh, I just get migraines from florescent lights.
Oh, I just can't stand any sound or movement around me. I'm just quirky.
everything you said just seems like internalize ableism and i dont mean "just" in a sense that its going to be easy to unpack that, it wont and i wish you good luck cause im just starting to try to work thru that myself and its so hard but its so worth it because you start to treat yourself (and others better) and you learn so much more about autism and other disabilities. like for example, all those things you listed are autistic traits or maybe the better word would be like autistic experiences im not sure but like with fluorescent lights giving you migraines thats not a allistic/neurotypical experience and when i started learning about that i finally started getting the helped i needed and now i wear these glasses that help with fluorescent and blue light so i get less migraines and it makes it easier to like be autistic in an allistic world or whtvr, ive learned its okay to use things that help you like communicating devices if you go nonverbal or noise canceling headphones whenever you need them, and you dont need to push yourself to your breaking point before you use them either. im sorry if this reply was overstepping or rude in anyway
these are the kinds of things that have been on my mind and its really nice to have an external sounding board.
I'm trying to figure out how much I "should" push my comforts to try and adapt and how much will just always be struggles of mine.
Autism Spectrum Disorder? More like "Cool Person Syndrome" 😎
thank you for this, or made me smile
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