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Is it okay to express anger during the grieving process?

Ash66

651d

When I was talking about grieving over someone who I knew that took their life to my crush I explained that I though they were a coward for doing it and how mad I am with them. Then he got all mad at me and told me that I would not talk about them like that. I understand where he's coming from but the thing is he doesn't even understand were I'm coming from. it's normal to feel anger plus he is acting like he knew her. I don't think its bad to have anger it's just one of the emotions that comes with the process. But was saying that a little too far?

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12

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Chronic Generalized pain

Depression

Restlessness and Agitation

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    • Chrissyposi

      650d

      As someone who has been on both ends of this topic I feel like I can explain both sides clearly. Starting with your feelings. You are 100% allowed to feel whatever you feel. Anger, hurt, betrayed, etc. That is normal and natural. As for what you said, I can see why someone would get mad or upset even if they didn’t know the person you are talking about. Considering to take your own life is normally not taken lightly. Your brain feels like it is on overload thinking about everything possible. Everyone you know. Feeling a million feelings at once, mostly guilt, shame and loneliness. Lots of crying. And more. But for people who have done it, the reasons to do it outweighed the reasons not to. Its sad. But not selfish or being a coward. Some people feel like its their only option. I know I have. But again, your feelings matter too but know people dont to it to hurt you but simply to end their own hurt. ❤️ im really really sorry you lost your friend and I hope you can forgive them when you are ready to.

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    • tattooedlizardlady

      650d

      Everyone has their own opinions on suicide. That being said, I would've been a bit miffed as well. I have had those tendencies as well and have lost multiple people to it. I couldn't bring myself to call the people that I've lost cowards, even if I thought they were. When people take their own lives, it is commonly because they feel so overwhelmed and out of control with their lives that they feel that there is no other option. And they are choosing an option that is difficult to choose and even more difficult to take. I can't see that as cowardice.

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    • Chrissyposi

      650d

      As someone who has been on both ends of this topic I feel like I can explain both sides clearly. Starting with your feelings. You are 100% allowed to feel whatever you feel. Anger, hurt, betrayed, etc. That is normal and natural. As for what you said, I can see why someone would get mad or upset even if they didn’t know the person you are talking about. Considering to take your own life is normally not taken lightly. Your brain feels like it is on overload thinking about everything possible. Everyone you know. Feeling a million feelings at once, mostly guilt, shame and loneliness. Lots of crying. And more. But for people who have done it, the reasons to do it outweighed the reasons not to. Its sad. But not selfish or being a coward. Some people feel like its their only option. I know I have. But again, your feelings matter too but know people dont to it to hurt you but simply to end their own hurt. ❤️ im really really sorry you lost your friend and I hope you can forgive them when you are ready to.

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    • Elwood

      650d

      You’re allowed to have your feelings and be angry but suicide isn’t cowardly and you shouldn’t have said that.

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      • Solarwolf

        650d

        @Elwood I have to agree with this. While Ash66 is allowed to have that opinion, unfortunately in this case it's an extremely hurtful one that's rooted in bad misunderstanding and (at least to me) judgement. I've nearly committed it twice & it's not an easy choice to make. There's just so much pain, and hurt, and grief, and all other kinds of negative emotions that eventually nothing else breaches it and suicide really seems the only way out. Just talking to other people is not a way to help someone, or make others understand what's going on, or it's not enough. And even if it does help, it doesn't mean that talking to Ash66 would've helped, they just may not have been the right person to help.

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        • Chrissyposi

          650d

          @Solarwolf I dont think she was judging her friend, she is just upset that they are not here with her. Regardless of the reason why her friend did what they did, you have to remember that other people are still going to be hurt by that decision.

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    • NatalieJane

      651d

      I think everyone has their own things going on and maybe even that person that took their life. You can truly never know what they were thinking even if they told you. Suicide is not something everyone understands mentally. As a person who tried to commit twice. In my moments i didnt care about the pain, the only thing that hurt was my feelings and knowing who i would hurt. It takes a lot of guts to commit and you are not worried of yourself you are worried for others.

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      • Ash66

        651d

        @NatalieJane I know I don't understand why she did it. It really really hurts and I know I should not disrespect her but I really needed her.

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    • JS18

      651d

      I think it's really natural to feel angry towards someone who decided to take their own life. In your case, you weren't shaming the person or rubbing dirt on their name, you were expressing how you felt about their choice

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      • Ash66

        651d

        @JS18 I told my friends what I said now their pissed. I understand were they're coming from. But it's kind of hard since I don't really understand. Obviously I would never disrespect her. I am very mad at at her choice. She was in a lot of pain I just wish she could have talk to someone. I know she probably did and they probably didn't listen so that makes me angry too. My friend even tried to put the blame on me which is not okay. I don't know it's just a lot to take in right now

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        • JS18

          651d

          @Ash66 That is absolutely not right of them to do, they sound toxic and terribly unhelpful while your grieving

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☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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