Surviving Sexual Abuse and Domestic Violence

Erin, my ex held a gun to my head and choked me several times. He would follow me and had me convinced he had cameras in the house for my safety not so he could always see what I was doing. He broke all of my phones. He hit me in front of my son all the time to the point that my son would bang his head on the wall when he even heard his voice. I had to sneak to a payphone to call my mom to talk to her. I have blocked out so many memories that when they pop up I get sick, scared and can't function

I'm so sorry. Just know that you're amazing and strong 💕 I was with my baby daddy for 5 years off and on and he was on heavy drugs by the time we were 16 I didn't find out until I was pregnant. I also kinda only remember bits and pieces of it the first time he choked me was when I was pregnant and then he would always do it every time I went back to him I honestly don't even remember how many times we broke up and stopped talking for months he also held a gun to my head and swung a baseball bat at me in front of our son don't get me wrong when it was good it was great but when it was bad it was horrible. He would always cheat on me and call me fat and say it was my fault my brother raped me and that my mom died and I actually started believing him. About a year ago he finally went to jail for abusing me 3 years ago. He's in jail for 2 years and is never allowed to contact me or my son. The judge told him he's not even allowed to see pictures of my son.

That is so awful to go through. I didn't realize how far back my ptsd can be traced until i started therapy 9 months ago. 14 years ago, I was in an abusive relationship of all forms for close to 5 or 6 years. I only remember bits and pieces of it. I remember almost dying twice. I am doing dbt to figure out everything I went through. I dealt with verbal abuse my whole life from all of my family and was raped by 2 strangers and my ex.

I’m sorry you went through all that, that’s a lot to go through at that age. My story is somewhat similar unfortunately. my dad had been sick for a couple of years, he then got diagnosed with cancer, it had spread to his brain and he had had a really big seizure. One day he was a couple hours away from us and he had felt a seizure coming on. He called us to tell us he was going to have a seizure, he said he loved us and he dropped the phone had a seizure and died. about a year later, my mom was with another guy. We were moving in with him and our first night my brother and I were sleeping in the living room. My stepdad woke me up in the middle of the night, and he took me to the bathroom. I was 12, and I had no idea what was happening. I was very naïve and very innocent, and I had no clue what sex really was. I had no idea what rape was. All I know that it didn’t feel right. I was scared and it just felt wrong. He then threaten to kill me and my family if I said anything. That was the first night. There were probably hundreds of nights after that. then at 17, there was another sexual assault from a guy in school, at 18 I moved out. Far far away. My stepdad died years later after my mom and him divorced. And I had a breakdown six years ago, and I haven’t been the same since. I go through these periods of major depression (part of bipolar I guess), Where I just break down spiral down and I get into a really deep hole. I self harm and things get really dark. I attempted last year, twice. And I am really intensely, painfully struggling right now.