Living with Fibromyalgia and Multiple Health Conditions

when the rhematologist said you had fibromyalgia and they are doing all they can medication wise, how heartbreaking was this news for you? For me, it was the most hopeless I've felt in awhile, being told the pain I experience is just learned pain pathways. Was suggested to get the curable app, but after going through a short introduction to the program which has a three day trial and a yearly subscription after that. Returned to feeling hopeless, cuz I can't afford it. Hello 👋 I'm AuntBeeDoesGames I have fibromyalgia, ADHD, major depressive disorder, anxiety (GAD), I had L5S1 fusion, borderline personality disorder, PTSD, and gerd. Getting ready to divorce soon, after 18 years, been a stay at home mom since 2002. I'm in college to get A+ certified in technology come Feb 2023 so I can get a job that will pay enough to support my 3 of 7 kids and I, maybe just 2 of the 3, since oldest is 18. youngest is 8. ten more years until I'm done raising children who hate me for having them. Sure call it a phase IDGAF 😂. Had a girl in 1999 and in 2000, a boy in 2003 and 2005, a girl who had HLHS and Turner's syndrome she died 19 hrs and 34 mins after her birth in 2008, I had a stillborn son in 2011 and I had a girl in 2014. I've had a hysterectomy a few years later forget what year just remember it was on my husband's birthday lol 🤣. I'm just tired of never being enough, and he hasn't been attracted to me in awhile now...idk if I ever was attracted to him we had the last 5 kids together. 2 oldest were taken wrongfully, and I was misguided into believing I was getting my girls back, then in court the same lady said I refused to do court orders I was not aware of, made me to look like the poorest excuse for a human being. The girls were raised to hate me, on told me off and said for me to hurry up and die so she can shit on my grave, the other one came to live with us and faked liking me etc nice stuff...I ended up being triggered by her and her girlfriend at the time (just for show), had to evict them. then later she says she is pregnant in Chicago her man kicked her out...she claimed she was going to focus on her and her baby, blah blah blah, then on the train ride home she supposedly had a miscarriage, cuz straight away we had to get her supplies. 3 days pass and she starts having guys over, then suddenly she has a guy over all the time, he has tattoos on his face and well everywhere, gaged ears, peircings all over his face and tongue was pierced too so was hers. He was a rapper, his bars were about his schizophrenia and mostly killing. Made me VERY uneasy. they spray painted gang satanic stuff all over the ceiling, walls, doors and it was black and red spray paint by the way she painted the walls lime green. oh and punched holes in the walls, and trashed the place tore up my shirt I got that had our HLHS baby's name on it. she is just down right evil and we again had to evict her and her significant other at the time. she had three times supposedly pregnant but miscarried with this guy I might add. lots of drama with both mentioned relationships...the hell she put us through. to get revenge? for what? believing and trusting the system to guide me and be on my side? but no backstabbed and childless. they were adopted to a child molester she said. since she was 4 until she was 13 and realized that's not how a father should show her love...he was found innocent because of her back story and her psychological issues from it all...anyways biggest loss was them...and I didn't get believed...so oh well wasted every wish from 2001 until 2019 I think it was when oldest came and fucked up her mother more than she could ever know. anyways sorry I can talk about that chapter of my life forever I mean it's my biggest loss. and yes I lost two babies that died and my mother and now my oldest sister and my grandma who was a second mother to me. And is the cause of my PTSD. I'm in insurmountable pain, and my rhematologist said this is all doctors can do for the pain because it is just fibromyalgia. I am hoping he is wrong. because I can't live like this and I sure can't afford the marijuana that I require to be able to limitedly participate in my life. anxiety based around being called in on to dcf (department of children and families), they are the ones who ruined my life. always in fear of doing something wrong or saying something wrong. I've been a hot mess. my ADHD is very difficult to manage because my doctor I mean nurse practitioner, only prescribes a month at a time and I forget to call in for refill and I don't want to call it in too soon cuz I fear they will count it as addictive behavior and take it from me when if I consistently am on it for a little over a month there is a huge shift on my ability to concentrate on the task at hand so I have something to show for why I was so exhausted at the end of my day...instead of starting something find something else needed done start that rinse and repeat all day and have no projects done or even slightly fiddled with...just a clusterfuck of what could of been. I had L5S1 fusion done July 2016 a few days after Pokemon go came out, it was the reason I recovered from my back surgery. I pushed myself to walk so far to get Pokemon I needed. I miss it. I stopped playing because my kids and husband kept commenting how that was all I cared about...I thought it was good for me...anyways potato potato tomato tomato. I've had borderline personality disorder since I was diagnosed in 5th grade, when I discovered what my sexual abuser had actually done to me during sex ed, and needed counseling. I am tired of not being supported, and not being taken care of, and being told this is all there is to treat me and I am just doomed for a life full of pain I can never get a break from accept in my sleep. I also gained a bunch of weight recently over the last year went from 150ish lbs to 218 lbs my ideal weight for me personally is 135-140 that's when comfortable in my own skin and body. I just hate that people accuse me of not eating enough when I am that weight. it's kinda nice being on the other side of the spectrum though now they saying are you sure you should be eating all that? lol 🤣 I can't please people anymore! I'm being me full fledge bare and not scared to be me who ever she is...I'm still on a journey of finding myself again...after about 4 or 5 years of trying to conform into the ideal mom and ideal wife...I halfway gave up but tried to meet the marker set by my husband... but my health went south I ended up diagnosed 8 years into our marriage with fibromyalgia, husband's book=everyone hurts it's apart of life and getting old. anyways you can maybe understand why I'm divorcing soon. I just need a skill to tap into and I love technology! I built my gaming tower! finding I may have made some boo-boos in my process of doing that, what I'm finding in class lol. oh well I will fix them when I can. borderline personality disorder to me is like a chameleon is to their surroundings. blend in fit in and fear being abandoned. I guess I will end with this. I have been through hell and back and am living in a nightmare I can't wakeup from. without pantaprazole my gerd comes up my esophagus even when I just sip water, soon after I lose my voice cuz damage from acid coming up. idk if I covered all my diagnosis and what challenges each brings for me. I'm an open book read me! #ama (ask me anything) oh bursitis in both hips and both shoulders makes getting a job next to impossible.