Dealing with Panic Attacks and Emotional Abuse

CW: emotional abuse. I've panic attacks multiple times a week for a while and when I have my trauma triggered it gets to be like every day, which it has recently. I was in an abusive realtionship and she made me belive that panic attacks and really any mental or physical health problem is abusive. I'm like terrified of being abusive and it's something I panic about which of course only makes it worse and I get trapped in a miserable cycle. I'm also the type of person who really needs other people's support but this is preventing me from reaching out to people even in an emergency. Any advice? prayers are also nice if you belive in those.