Struggling with Mental Illness and Love

I have been through this. Yesterday was the anniversary of marrying a man who would leave while I was feeling extremely vulnerable. With no goodbye, but somehow all the blame. He told my church I was abusive so they’d help him leave. They kicked me and my kids out and packed up our items carelessly. What my sociopath of a spouse did broke my mind for a long time. But I stand by the Marilyn Monroe quote that says, “if you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.” I was grieving and very depressed and anxious. I didn’t deserve to be treated with such hatred, and neither did my kids. I’ve been working in the mental health field recently and one thing we learned in training was that a lot of people use self harm to regulate their emotions because it sends endorphins through our bodies. Self-harm isn’t something to shame yourself for resorting to when you don’t have any coping skills left. I struggled with that most of my life. Until I was so broken, if I didn’t get into an IOP I wouldn’t survive. I learned new coping skills, how to speak to myself with validation and kindness. TherapistAid has thousands of free downloadable worksheets on CBT and DBT. NAMI and many other places host free virtual support groups as well. But the IOP saved my life. Today, I love myself and treat myself a lot better, but it was a long band scary road to get here. You are not alone. And you are worthy of being treated better than you are now. If this person isn’t supportive and gentle with you when you need it most, they have no place in your life. You need to be the one who treats you with respect before someone else gets to try. “Be gentle with yourself, for you are a child of the universe” 💙