Terrified of Going Back to Treatment

@Kaiiyla thank you💞 it’s just so hard because I’ve put my life on hold so many times for treatment and I don’t want to again. I feel like I’m going mad and screaming for help but now that it’s here I don’t know that it’ll be the right thing. I want to go because it’s the one semi-supportive environment I know, but I know I’ll relapse because I don’t have support at home. I don’t think I’m even in the right headspace to engage in treatment but I can’t make any progress at home - I’ve not made any progress since I relapsed 2 days after my last treatment in November. The longest I’ve been ok after treatment has been 2 weeks in 7 years. There’s no long term solution and I’m not ready, I know I’ll never be, and it’s just so frustrating because I can’t….like I’m not gonna get better until I go to treatment. That’s the only thing that’ll stop what I’ve been doing. But I don’t even think going would be enough either. And I don’t know what to do because I have 0 time for treatment starting in 6 weeks, and after that I won’t have time for 3 full years. But 6 weeks isn’t enough time. I know I gotta put me first but there doesn’t seem like any options. I don’t feel like I have a choice but to stay out